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William Wallace

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William Wallace
William Wallace Title Card
EpicLLOYD as William Wallace
Character information
Birth name William Wallace
Nickname(s) Sir William Wallace
Braveheart
The Great Patriot
Guardian of Scotland
Born c. 1270
Paisley, Scotland, United Kingdom
Died August 23, 1305 (aged 35)
London, United Kingdom
Physical description
Hair Brown
Eyes Blue
Based on
William Wallace Based On
Rap battle information
Appeared in George Washington vs William Wallace
Vs George Washington
Release date June 30, 2014
Votes on website 73%
Location(s) The Isle of Skye
I pop my kilt, strap my sword in my hilt, step on the battlefield, and I'm ready to kill!
— William Wallace

William Wallace battled George Washington in George Washington vs William Wallace. He was portrayed by EpicLLOYD.

Information on the rapper

William Wallace was born circa 1270, in Paisley, Scotland, United Kingdom. He was a Scottish war rebel in the Wars of Scottish Independence against England.

Wallace is most famously known for winning the Battle of Stirling Bridge, defeating a much larger force of English military. After his defeat in the Battle of Falkirk in 1298, he evaded capture by the English for seven years.

On August 23rd, 1305, following his betrayal by an English-sympathizing Scottish knight, Wallace was taken to London and condemned as a traitor to the king. He was then punished for his treachery through execution, in which he was hanged, disemboweled, beheaded, drawn, and quartered.

In film, Wallace has been famously portrayed by actor Mel Gibson in the 1995 film Braveheart, which won an Oscar for Best Picture.

Lyrics

[Note: William Wallace is in blue, while the Scotsmen are in regular text.]

Verse 1:

Look at ya, in your little blousy outfit,

Looking like a stiffer white dick than your monument!

I'll knock you the fuck out, mate!

You died owning slaves!

I died setting men free! Scot free! That's the Highland way!

This powdered prick couldn't beat me in a foot race!

I was emasculated, eviscerated!

I had my head chopped off and they put it on a pike,

And I still find time to bust a Gaelic rhyme

And rip your Yankee Doodle arse on the mic!

I'll knock your face off your moola!

Alba gu bràth! Gu bràth! Hoo-rah! Hoo-rah!

Founding father, but no children.

Crossed the Delaware, but your soldiers can't swim!

That's Washington, such a shite tactician!

The fucking British Army didn't even want him!

I'm Wallace! (Hoo!) And I'm flawless! (Hoo!)

Stay hid in your office or suffer great losses!

I pop my kilt, strap my sword in my hilt,

Step on the battlefield, and I'm ready to kill!

Send all you politicians straight down to hell!

The only Washington I trust is Denzel!

Verse 2:

I don't give a shite 'bout your fancy clothes!

You whipped all of those out of slave black folks!

Grew weed, then you made hemp rope,

But if you think you'll beat me, you must be having a smoke!

No joke! Don't tee off with me, laddy!

If you held my balls, you couldn't be my caddy!

My style's ice cold; yours is old and shabby!

You're the father of your country, but I'm your daddy!

Scrapped lyrics

Add a loss, not a win, to your tally, George.

My heart's colder than the wintertime in Valley Forge!

Jersey put your face on a bill, but it's the one that's least valuable!

And your monument represents you perfectly: it's an enormous phallic tool!

Trivia

  • Wallace is the fifth real-life historical character to be based off of a popular film depiction of them.
  • At some points in the battle, as well as in his title card, EpicLLOYD's tattoo is visible on Wallace's left arm.

Gallery

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