Oh boy, i'm back with another one of my fanmade battles which i post very frequently. In this installment, infamous emperor of the Roman empire, Caligula, battles against the Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Joffrey Baratheon. So without further ado, let's start.
Ahem
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HOLY FUCK PIET MADE A BATTLEEEEE!!!!
VERSUS!?
BEGIN?
(start at 0:12)
Emperor Caligula:
This full-blood Lannister can only claim the debt he'll pay to my wrath
When I seize a victory, not even Neptune will stand in my path
Like Nero, I'll have you burning with Wildfiery rhymes while I diss
You're spoiled by mommy with a brain even smaller than your uncle is.
I'm the son of a great general, with military strength and strategy
to go Aegon on your Seven Kingdoms and have them romanized rapidly
You're a figurehead. The hand of the King's Landing all the important strikes
You just scream for heads on spikes since "the King can do as he likes"
The projects I've been constructing show that I got my empire peaking
Not a real BaraTheon but this dickless halfwit is still Reeking
of defeat. But let me see what the King and his Cousil can do
'Cause I'll be surprised if Varys doesn't whisper all your raps to you
Joffrey Baratheon:
Expand into the west-eros and my bannermen will send you packing
You will shake in your Little Boots like your epilepsy is attacking
I sit on the iron throne with an iron fist, the best to ever reign
And I'm spitting sicker than the illness that turned you batshit insane
I'll take shots like a crossbow if a Trial by Verbal Combat shall be
Check the War of the Five Kings and the fates of those defying me
Keep your Praetorian Guard up. For making enemies you have a knack.
Both commoners and senators, that'll prove a huge stab in the back
Tiberius should've ridden himself of you the first chance that he got
Your family has endured more torment than the Starks was ever brought
You're nothing but my fool, Commodus, but I'm not entertained enough
So you keep your head in the game or I'll have Ser Ilyn bust it off
Emperor Caligula:
It's blasphemy to speak to a deity like me in such a way.
So best cower out of this battlefield like you did at Blackwater Bay.
Suetonius wrote about my accomplishments for the next generation
Yours are put on paper too but they're from a fatty's imagination
Hailed as a star when I got named while you got welcomed by rebelling
Protector of a realm but you can't protect yourself at your own wedding
His disGrace Draco of House Malfoy is just a royal pain
I'll have a triumphal arch built 'cause another Mad King has been slain
Joffrey Baratheon:
That horse you want as consul would do better in politics than you
if you didn't have it killed already, scared it would overthrow you too
Leaders of Rome before you would shiver if they knew you succeeded
But you're forgettable, so a Damnatio Memoriae ain't needed
In this Storm of Swords you receive a lyrical Ides of March from me
Keep boning your own sisters, I'll rule strong with Lady Margaery
Now that I've brought a hell upon Romans worse than Mt. Vesuvius
The loss must sting like when your people slaughtered you like Julius
So yeah, this has been another one of my fanmade battles. If you have any questions about any lines you don't get you can of course always ask.