Hey Wiki, I'm kicking off my battle series again and Patts is ending his season with this Christmas story. This one features Tiny Tim from Charles Dicken's A Christmas Carol and Ralphie Parker from A Christmas Story. Special thanks to Patts for writing Tiny Tim's verses. Let's go!
Beat:
Announcer: (0:13 - 0:25)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
VS.
BEGIN!
You'll remember this Christmas Carol without a doubt,
This year, you won't get that gun, you'll shoot your eye out.
But how could you, that requires you being nice.
You can't. It turns out your heart is colder than ice.
You're a horrible friend, you left old Flicker stuck to the pole,
Don't be surprised, when you look in your stocking, and find coal.
Didn't get what you wanted? There's no need to be blue.
I'll scare you so bad, I'll make a ghost out of you.
It's time to begin your Christmas Story!
You get beaten, double over! And I leave with glory!
You're a Tiny ratchet Cratchit! Who has a dim witt,
You probably can't afford the shitty rhymes that you spit!
I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model BB rifle with a compass in the stock!
I would hurt you, but you already can't walk!
Go and Tiptoe Through the Tulips you gay ass stooge,
Bah Humbug! Spittin' rhymes so rich, call me Mr. Scrooge.
You'd be the one with the limp with the way you rhyme,
There's one thing I don't understand, and since I have the time.
You know what's sicker than my disease, your wanting of toys.
The plastic rifle you wished for should bring you some joy.
Spend your Christmas giving, not beating up Frakus
It's about spreading cheer, and not making a ruckus.
Ralphie, it's not about the presents, it's about family fun.
Scrooge can change, so can you. Now "God bless us, every one!"
When will you step up? You whiny sniveling bitch!
Oh, that's right? You can't, you're a handicapped twit!
"God bless us, every one!" *pfft* Reality Check!
Your franchise is dead, so take a moment to reflect!
You've made enough crimes, and it's about time
for me to redefine how a true rapper rhymes! In his prime!
The clock has struck one and it's time for you to leave,
I've been expecting this gift way before Christmas Eve!
Announcer: (2:08 - 2:16)
WHO WON?
WHOS NEXT?
YOU DECIDE?
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!!!
| Season 1 | Goku vs. Superman • Darth Vader vs. Adolf Hitler part III • Harry Potter vs. Harry Houdini • Yoda vs. Confucius • Walt Disney vs. Matt Groening |
| Season 2 | Tiny Tim (Patts9009) vs. Ralphie (JPhil2.0) • Jean Luc Picard vs. Captain Jack Sparrow • Tony Stark vs. Henry Ford • Emperor Palpatine vs. Ronald Reagan |
| Season 3 (reboot) | Mary Shelley vs. J.K. Rowling |