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Hello, I'm Alexneushoorn, and I'll be posting rap battles here. This is my first one, where Nintendo's mascot, Mario, will be going against Sega's mascot, Sonic.


Cast

EpicLLOYD as Mario

Nice Peter as Luigi

Alexneushoorn as Sonic the Hedgehog

??? as Miles 'Tails' Prower

Announcer

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF SAVAGERY!

MARIO

VS

SONIC

BEGIN!

Mario

Hey, it's-a-me, Mario! Let's-a-go!

I'm the face of Nintendo, you're basically my slave!

Because Sega can't seem to get you anywhere else, you knave!

Always running away from Amy Rose like a chicken,

And you're easily angered, always busy with the fits you are pitching.

You think you can defeat me? You must be batshit crazy.

While you're busy beating Eggman, and taking naps, being lazy,

I'm-a fucking Peach, my beautiful lady.

Sonic

Well, I'm the Sultan of Speed, you're not half as dope as me!

'Cause you must be incredibly patient in order to cope with me!

I'll kick the shit out of your plumber ass!

You've always been fat, at least I lost my mass!

Amy and I are pretty good friends.

Tails and I will be friends 'til the end.

I got comedy stuff to give my fans chuckles.

I'll beat you so bad, you'll be annoyed like my pal Knuckles.

I wear beautiful gloves, they are sparkly and white.

If you mess with me, I'll be sure to give you some fright.

Mario

I might still be fat, but I got incredible strength.

I'll use the Super Scope and have you banged.

You might've been an icon, but now you're just worthless.

Your whole franchise is just a circus.

And there's one more plumber that came from my mother.

Luigi, come over here and help out your brother!

Luigi

It's-a-me, Luigi, you bitch!

Thanks to our games, Nintendo stays rich!

We're known across the globe in basically every land!

I'm so shocking, I'll zap you with my Thunderhand!

My brother fights Koopa's, I fight evil ghosts.

I also participate in parties my big brother hosts.

We're busy playing golf, karts and basketball.

How many sports games do you have?

Barely any at all!

Sonic

Oh, please! 2016 is my 25th year!

I fought some huge creatures that gave my players fear!

By the way, Mario, if you're the face, then how come your face was hung above King Boo's fireplace?

That's right! Luigi had to save your ass not once, but twice!

He could've said: 'No dice!'

If that's not pathetic, I don't know what it is.

With those bars I just dropped,

Damn, you've been dissed!

I got plenty of lives! They die for me!

Sega wrote some pretty good lines for me!

My friends are in their prime for me!

Spin right in, Tails, and finish this rhyme for me!

Tails

Hi, I'm Tails! The best buddy of Sonic!

You two are just plumbers! We're totally iconic!

They made a parade balloon for Sonic, you guys are sold in Happy Meals!

Ain't no way you'll ever beat us, because we're the best emcees!

Luigi is my rival in an Olympic battle!

He got his ass killed and crushed like a pebble!

The Super Mario Bros. are Super Dummies!

Now go on and eat your pasta, we'll snack on Chili Dogs! Yummies!

Announcer

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC *Spin Dash sound* RAP BATTLES OF SAVAGERY!

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