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Yo, guys. It's been a while since my last battle. This time, I'm gonna try to make an even better one. This battle features American internet personality Jacob Sartorius facing off against famous American singer songwriter Billy Joel. May the best rapper win.


Cast

Bart Baker as Jacob Sartorius

EpicLLOYD as Billy Joel


Announcer

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF SAVAGERY!

JACOB SARTORIUS

VS

BILLY JOEL

BEGIN!

Jacob Sartorius

Okay, what is this?

Dr. Phil's brother or something?

This is surely gonna be a Hit or Miss.

Sorry, grandpa, but you aren't anything.

I'm a rapper, singer, actor, a child star.

Teenage girls love me, I have fans near and far.

I am dealing with bullies because they're jealous that they can't sing.

I won't even listen to your songs because they're boring.

If you think you can beat me, you must be out of your mind.

Now scram, it's song recording time.

Billy Joel

Put autotune on a kid and he'll get girls all over him.

So I can do only one thing: I'll show you how to sing.

I'm in a New York State of Mind, and I'm a Piano Man.

I have hits across the land and I'm here to make a stand.

Now, don't get me wrong, and snap out of it, kid.

I'm not scared of your songs. I know how to write a hit.

Did you know that you were given up at birth?

I'll beat up All Your Friends and rip your Sweatshirt.

Jacob Sartorius

(Intermission)

Yeah, right.

(Set)

The only thing that's ripped is the start of your career.

And later on, you had a problem with beer.

A motorcycle accident left you with no bone in your thumb.

Piano Man, my ass.

You make me musically stumped.

I had to switch between 3 schools in 2015.

That's one of the hardest things a kid has ever seen.

I'm famous and young, you're old and obscure.

I can show you how to sing.

Here, try on a Sweatshirt.

Billy Joel

You're oblivious to the truth, sonny, and that is really sad.

I never knew battling you was gonna be this bad.

No wonder you're being bullied all the time, you're such a dumb shit.

Using autotune to sing is the easiest way for a hit.

You're your own worst enemy and are creating problems all the time.

Or make it even worse: Using your music to brainwash teenkind.

Puberty is coming, sonny, and for your information:

Everyone knows that you're no sensation.

Announcer

WHO WON?!

WHO'S NEXT?!

YOU DECIDE!

  • to the tune of Billy Joel's Piano Man* EPIC RAP BATTLES OF SAVAGERY!

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