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I think this might be my first serious blog.

No scratch that.

It is.

I've got a bit of a situation, I don't really wanna go into the details, so I'll just give a basic overview.

I feel like I'm at the bottom of every friends list I'm in irl basically, and I'm no good at getting a new group of people, especially when these people are the ones I see 90% of the time on week days.

One in particular. We have a fight, and it's me who's getting hurt, yet nothing changes and I have to apologize. I don't wanna not have her as my friend because I love her and she's like a sister to me, but the way she treats me sometimes just...

I don't want to lose her as my friend. I actually can't. I already think low enough about myself as it is, I would think even lower if I lost someone this close to me.

Regular basis has me gotten ignored, usually by other people. And I'm tired of that too.

But any time I try to change this, I'm always shoved back down to the bottom, walked on, pushed around, and ignored again, like it's my place or something, no matter how many fucking things I've done for these people.

With this said, if I seem a bit snappy with you over the next few days, it's not anything personal, I just always have this bottled up because I have no way of getting rid of it.

I might just skip over the actual talking part of school tomorrow, to see if anyone actually notices. Idk.

Cya/ cyka/s <3

-Alan

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