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Upton vs Monroe
Here we go.

Fucking finally.

This took forever for me to write.

Welcome to the second battle of the second season of Alanomaly Rap Battles!

Today, we have two models, modern-day Kate Upton, and the OG model, Marilyn Monroe!

Of course, this has the Alanomaly Rap Battles twist of being a royale.

Also, special thanks to Quagga for creating the picture of Jessica Nigri on the Lugia!

Don't forget to check out these amazing things:

Lyrics

(Beat)

ALANOMALY RAP BATTLES

Kate Upton Title Card

VS

Marilyn Monroe Title Card AlanRB

BEGIN!

Kate Upton

Hello there, Norma Jean, can I give you a lesson?

I'll teach you how The Other Woman will stomp on Miss Mortenson,

You're a misfit, you'll need better methods than from Actors Studios,

I'll Bother to Knock you harder than your barbiturate overdose!

Call this battle Westwood Village Memorial, cause I'll bury you today,

And have rhymes so cloaked with meaning, they'll be the opposite of lingerie!

My raps are so fly, you'll remodel your Radioplanes after them,

Crush you harder than your career in the collapse of the studio system.

I'm the sexiest woman of 2014, you're a 1960's drama queen

Without any children, not marriage one, two, or three!

This ain't 1952, bitch, keep up with the times!

Ditch Joe DiMaggio, and get start getting Billy Wild!

You'll break mirrors with that face, and get a Seven Year Itch,

You act like quite a dick for one who'll never get one to twitch!

Marilyn Monroe

(Beat) I'll hold you down like my skirt, Kate, and push you back to Melbourne,

Those leaked nudes of yours? Cause the haters to yell, "Whore!"

Slash you up with words like my name was Marilyn Manson,

My fans have too high standards for you, they moved to Scarlett Johannson!

I played as the dumb blondes, that's sure to be where you got your inspiration,

Go back to licking penisicles on your Sports Illustrations!

This isn't the Game of War, you're not this battle's centerpiece,

Your outfit for that game? You looked like a warmongering Socrates.

You're overshadowed by a Mann and Diaz Masks you,

The greatest modeling catastrophe born in 1992.

You're a phony, full of baloney, go back to your horse, Roanie,

Or get yourself an acting career on My Little Pony

As an Equestrian Girl, even though you're not Dazzling,

While my work causes so much penis grappling!

(The background and the beat change to a white runway in a black studio, and Tyra Banks steps forward.)

Tyra Banks

Bitches, please, Banks is here, so cash your checks to me,

I've been working that hallway like a runway since I was fifteen.

I first appeared with Will Smith, so I'm as Fresh as the Prince.

These two are who I'm facing? I've stepped into some Monkey Business!

You both show off more boobs than TZONE-Tan's archives,

Mooning everyone out there like the audience on St. Valentines!

Top-billed actress just for only one decade?

You should go back to your grave, do what you do best now: decay.

And you're a cover model, then cover up your face,

Cause I can't stand to see it on the same cover I was once placed.

Try to Shake It Up a bit, cause you ain't about that FABLife.

It's only pervs and not fans who would by some cut outs, Life-Size!

I Viewed, I Talked, I was being for Real in this insulting Social.

And I rock this battle like I did the Cannes Film Festival.

(The background and the beat change to a coast-side cliff, and Irina Shayk turns around to the three women.)

Irina Shayk

I model my rhymes in a way that makes you quake,

Get crushed by the Russian Tatar by the name of Irina Shayk.

I was urged to participate, so I'm a shoe-in for a win,

Drop a golden hammer, and bring pride to the Soviet Union!

Hmm, let's see, who all do we have here in front of me?

Kate the rookie, Norma Jeane, and Miss Ugly Duckling.

I Rock the movie Hercules harder than Disney ever could,

I'm not Russian with my lines but I make blood start Russian to the wood!

Your rhymes are whack, bottom model, girls, they just don't Clique.

You're so far under me, Mary, make like Cleopatra, kiss my clit.

This isn't going to be Vanity Fair, Kate, I'm explicit like a Renaissance Fair,

Just look up to me, you glare, my beauty's a snare causing all men to stare!

None of you women are a match for Shaykhlislamova,

Cause my appearance and raps are both hotter than a super Unova!

(The cliff is struck by lightning. The smoke clears and Pallet Town is shown. Jessica Nigri comes into the scene riding on Lugia, and climbs off. The beat changes.)

JessicaNigriRidingLugiaIntoAlanomaly'sModelRoyaleToRapAsTheFifthModelByRequestOfAlanomaly

Jessica Nigri

A wild Jessica Nigri appeared and is up for a Poké-Battle!

Use a Lollipop Chainsaw to cut through our beef like it was cattle!

I don't squash it, I'd rather jump into a wagon full of hay,

Then Crab Lady walk myself out of the scene, visit lands far away!

Hottest female YouTuber, I can bring shame to Jenna Marbles,

I'd drop her and you all down a canyon like some cleavage sparkles!

When the boys see me, they say things like "Let me get a peek atchu!"

When the boys see you four, they say "Nah, I prefer the Sexy Pikachu!"

Do people drool when they see these four fools? I say nada.

I survive the same city Johnny Cash shot a man in. Nevada.

If you thought nerds couldn't be hot, you need to Google the name Nigri.

Someone who adores me? This series' creator. That's right, Alanomaly!

You think it's stable where you stand, you dont' wanna mess with Jessy then,

Cause Nigri will make all these bitches blast off again!

(Jessica climbs back onto Lugia and flies off. A spot sparkles where she took off.)

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

Model Royale Endslate

ALANOMALY- [Jessica Nigri walks up to the logo, and drags it away.]

...

...

...

[The logo comes back, sweaty and tired.]

Rap... Battles...

Kate Upton

Hello there, Norma Jean, can I give you a lesson?

(Upton refers to Monroe by her real name, something she stopped going by due to having the stage name "Marilyn Monroe." She also asks if she can give her a lesson, as continued in the next line. This could also be Upton saying she can indirectly teach Monroe how to model better.

I'll teach you how The Other Woman will stomp on Miss Mortenson,

(The Other Woman is a movie featuring Kate Upton, Cameron Diaz, and Leslie Mann. In this case, the only other woman in the battle Upton can be referring to is herself if not Monroe, who she is talking to and then later in the line refers to her by her real last name.)

You're a misfit, you'll need better methods than from Actors Studios,

(Monroe's life before her career took off involved her going by her real name and working at the Radioplane factory, which would make her seem like somewhat of a misfit. This is also a reference to the movie The Misfits, which was Monroe's last film before her death. Monroe studied method acting at Actors Studio. Upton says that to beat her, Monroe will need better methods than the ones she learned from Actors Studio.)

I'll Bother to Knock you harder than your barbiturate overdose!

("Bother to Knock" is a reference to Don't Bother to Knock, a 1952 drama featuring Monroe. Knocking someone in a rap battle is to beat them at it. Monroe died of a barbiturate overdose. Upton is saying she will bother to knock Monroe harder than the barbiturates did when she died.)

Call this battle Westwood Village Memorial, cause I'll bury you today,

(Westwood Village Memorial Park Cemetery is where Monroe is buried. Upton is saying this battle is WVMPC, because Upton will bury Monroe here, or beat her bad enough that it may as well be death.)

And have rhymes so cloaked with meaning, they'll be the opposite of lingerie!

(Lingerie is a very revealing type of undergarment which is usually worn before sex or for modeling, and both Upton and Monroe have done modeling wearing lingerie items. Upton is saying she puts so much meaning into her lines that they're the opposite of lingerie and have to be looked into to understand what is truly underneath, while lingerie is very revealing and can sometimes easily be seen through.)

My raps are so fly, you'll remodel your Radioplanes after them,

(A pun on the word "fly." Fly refers to something that is hip or cool, and also refers to the action of flying. Monroe modeled Radioplanes for the war before her modeling career took off. Upton is saying that her rhymes are so good, or fly, that Monroe will want to remodel all the Radioplanes she built to be like them.)

Crush you harder than your career in the collapse of the studio system.

I'm the sexiest woman of 2014, you're a 1960's drama queen

(Upton was named "Sexiest Woman" in 2014 by People magazine, the first time the title was awarded. Monroe died in the sixties and starred in many dramas. This would make her queen of dramas, or as Upton puts it, a drama queen, a play on the actual term which means someone makes everything overly dramatic.)

Without any children, not marriage one, two, or three!

(Monroe had a total of three marriages, and not a single time had kids.)

This ain't 1952, bitch, keep up with the times!

(1952 was arguably the peak of Monroe's career, as three of her many dramas came out in that year. Upton is saying that it is no longer that year, so she is past her prime, and should keep up with the time.)

Ditch Joe DiMaggio, and get start getting Billy Wild!

(Monroe's second spouse was Joe DiMaggio. Billy Wilder created many movies that featured Monroe. Upton is saying that Monroe should ditch DiMaggio, referencing their divorce, and should get wild, or Billy Wilder, in this case, saying she should basically just get with the man who created content she was featured in.)

You'll break mirrors with that face, and get a Seven Year Itch,

(A commonly known urban legend is that if one breaks a mirror, they'll get seven years of bad luck. In this case, Upton is saying Monroe's face is so ugly that it breaks a mirror, a reference to a common gag in some cartoons, and she will get seven years bad luck by having a seven year itch, referencing Seven Year Itch, a film starring Monroe.)

You act like quite a dick for one who'll never get one to twitch!

(When someone is acting in a rude manner, they can be described as acting like a dick, in this case being a pun on the meaning of a rude person and male genitalia. Upton is saying that for someone who acts like such a dick, Monroe will never make them twitch, or make them erect.)

Marilyn Monroe

I'll hold you down like my skirt, Kate, and push you back to Melbourne,

(An iconic picture of Monroe includes her holding down her skirt as it is being blown upwards. Monroe says she'll do the same to Kate. Upton was raised in Melbourne, Florida, which is a state in the south of the United States, and therefore can be reached by going down the map. Monroe is saying she'll push Upton back down to Melbourne like should would her skirt.)

Those leaked nudes of yours? Cause the haters to yell, "Whore!"

Slash you up with words like my name was Marilyn Manson,

My fans have too high standards for you, they moved to Scarlett Johannson!

I played as the dumb blondes, that's sure to be where you got your inspiration,

Go back to licking penisicles on your Sports Illustrations!

This isn't the Game of War, you're not this battle's centerpiece,

Your outfit for that game? You looked like a warmongering Socrates.

You're overshadowed by a Mann and Diaz Masks you,

The greatest modeling catastrophe born in 1992.

You're a phony, full of baloney, go back to your horse, Roanie,

Or get yourself an acting career on My Little Pony

As an Equestrian Girl, even though you're not Dazzling,

While my work causes so much penis grappling!

Tyra Banks

Bitches, please, Banks is here, so cash your checks to me,

I've been working that hallway like a runway since I was fifteen.

I first appeared with Will Smith, so I'm as Fresh as the Prince.

These two are who I'm facing? I've stepped into some Monkey Business!

You both show off more boobs than TZONE-Tan's archives,

Mooning everyone out there like the audience on St. Valentines!

Top-billed actress just for only one decade?

You should go back to your grave, do what you do best now: decay.

And you're a cover model, then cover up your face,

Cause I can't stand to see it on the same cover I was once placed.

Try to Shake It Up a bit, cause you ain't about that FABLife.

It's only pervs and not fans who would by some cut outs, Life-Size!

I Viewed, I Talked, I was being for Real in this insulting Social.

And I rock this battle like I did the Cannes Film Festival.

Irina Shayk

I model my rhymes in a way that makes you quake,

Get crushed by the Russian Tatar by the name of Irina Shayk.

I was urged to participate, so I'm a shoe-in for a win,

Drop a golden hammer, and bring pride to the Soviet Union!

Hmm, let's see, who all do we have here in front of me?

Kate the rookie, Norma Jeane, and Miss Ugly Duckling.

I Rock the movie Hercules harder than Disney ever could,

I'm not Russian with my lines but I make blood start Russian to the wood!

Your rhymes are whack, bottom model, girls, they just don't Clique.

You're so far under me, Mary, make like Cleopatra, kiss my clit.

This isn't going to be Vanity Fair, Kate, I'm explicit like a Renaissance Fair,

Just look up to me, you glare, my beauty's a snare causing all men to stare!

None of you women are a match for Shaykhlislamova,

Cause my appearance and raps are both hotter than a super Unova!

Jessica Nigri

A wild Jessica Nigri appeared and is up for a Poke-Battle!

(Nigri is known for her love of the Pokemon franchise, so she references her entrance to the battle as a Pokemon game would, in the form of "A wild ___ appeared!" This also references the fact she enters the battle riding on her favorite Pokemon, Lugia.)

Use a Lollipop Chainsaw to cut through our beef like it was cattle!

(Nigri is a spokesperson for the video game franchise Lollipop Chainsaw, who she is famous for cosplaying as Lindsey Stirling from the franchise. She says she wouldn't squash the beef between her and all the others, but rather cut it in half with the chainsaw. This also references how meat is prepared after the animal is killed and cleaned.)

I don't squash it, I'd rather jump into a wagon full of hay,

(Continuing how Nigri would rather not squash the beef, she says she would rather jump into a wagon of hay. A way something can be squashed is by jumping onto it. However, she'd rather jump into hay, which can cause an irritating amount of itchiness, than squash the beef with the other four rappers. This references the video game franchise Assassin's Creed, which Nigri is also a spokesperson for.)

Then Crab Lady walk myself out of the scene, visit lands far away!

(This line references a video in which Nigri is in a cosplay outfit of Connor Kenway and does a walk similar to that of a crab, the video being titled Crab Lady. She's saying she'd walk like a crab out of the scene and visit lands far a way, referencing the fact she travels abroad a lot, and also references how she was born in America, raised in New Zealand, and then moved back to America, which are countries that are quite the distance apart from each other.)

Hottest female YouTuber, I can bring shame to Jenna Marbles,

(Nigri is a very attractive person on YouTube. Jenna Marbles also fits this description, and is a more notable person. Nigri says that even if Marbles is more notable, she can bring shame to her through her looks.)

I'd drop her and you all down a canyon like some cleavage sparkles!

(Nigri says she'll not only drop Marbles but also the other four women in the battle down a canyon, similar to the way she would drop sparkles that she would get mailed from fans down her cleavage in her videos, usually by dumping the entire container of sparkles on her. Canyon is also a synonym for cleavage.

When the boys see me, they say things like "Let me get a peek atchu!"

(Nigri is stating her appearance makes boys say that they wanna peek at her, which is a reference to how people stare at others they find attractive. It also references the fact that there are several of her fans who would like to see her without clothes, or, get a peek at her.)

When the boys see you four, they say "Nah, I prefer the Sexy Pikachu!"

(Following the same set up as her previous line, she references how boys react to the other four rappers. She says that boys that look at those four say they prefer looking at her, or the Sexy Pikachu, which is a reference to the picture of her in a sexy Pikachu outfit that got her famous back in 2009. The words "Sexy Pikachu" link to the userpage of WonderPikachu12.)

Do people drool when they see these four fools? I say nada.

(A notable action people do when they look at someone they find attractive is drool, as they are not paying attention to anyone or anything but who they are staring at, not even themselves and their own actions. Nigri questions if boys do this to the other four, but then answers her own thoughts that they don't.)

I survive the same city Johnny Cash shot a man in. Nevada.

(Nigri was born in Reno, Nevada. In Cash's song Folsom Prison Blues, he mentions shooting a man in Reno. Nigri says she survived this town, as she was born there and is still alive today.)

If you thought nerds couldn't be hot, you need to Google the name Nigri.

(Stereotypically speaking, many people assume that nerds, male or female, are unattractive. Nigri says that this thought is wrong, and that anyone who believes this stereotype needs to Google her last name.)

Someone who adores me? This series' creator. That's right, Alanomaly!

(Nigri breaks the fourth wall in this statement, the first rapper from Alanomaly Rap Battles to do so. Alanomaly has stated on many occasions that Nigri is his celebrity crush. Nigri is implying that this battle is in her favor because of this. However, the only bias this battle has is Nigri's placement, being at the end so that Alan wouldn't have to write any insults toward Nigri. Her breaking the fourth wall could also be a reference to the fact that she is known for Deadpool cosplay, a character who is iconic for breaking the fourth wall.)

You think it's stable where you stand, you dont' wanna mess with Jessy then,

(The current backdrop that the other four rappers are in front of is the cliff where Shayk rapped, which was struck with lightning just before Nigri began, so therefore it's unstable, and the other four should not want to mess with her.)

Cause Nigri will make all these bitches blast off again!

("Blast off again" is a notable phrase used by Team Rocket when they're defeated. One of the members of Team Rocket has the name Jessie, in which Nigri did a pun on in the previous line. Nigri says she will make the other four blast off again, or defeat them.)

Poll

Who Won?
 
5
 
4
 
0
 
0
 
3
 

The poll was created at 05:45 on October 28, 2015, and so far 12 people voted.

Trivia

  • This is the first Alanomaly Rap Battle to include only female rappers.
  • This is the third Alanomaly Rap Battle to have a character break the fourth wall:
    • Jessica Nigri mentions the creator of the series, Alanomaly, when mentioning someone who adores her, as she is his celebrity crush.
  • Jessica Nigri entering the battle via Lugia ride references the fact Lugia is her favorite Pokémon. When she exits the battle, there is a sparkle in the sky where she left, references when Team Rocket blasts off in the Pokémon franchise.

Hint for the Next Battle

Tumblr lrx7g0ZvIg1qziw6mo1 500

Hints for this Battle Explained

  • "ZONE-Tan: "Dear ZONE-Tan, the second battle is being modeled as we speak, and the way it's set up is similar to the way ERB set up their Director Royale." Very, very interesting."Modeled" references the fact this is a model royale. This is done similarly to Spielberg vs Hitchcock: 
    • A modern-day, well known person of the occupation
    • The "OG" of the occupation, associated with black and white, and lived from the 20s to 60s
    • A "hit-or-miss" person of the occupation
    • The uncommercialized person of the occupation
    • The rebel of the occupation
  • There was a picture of a Pikachu on the last battle. This is a direct reference to Jessica Nigri.
  • I one said on chat "Michael Bay would take his checks to the last name of one of these rappers." This references Tyra Banks, and the line from Spielberg vs Hitchcock, "I take my checks to the bank and I sign em with my nuts!"
Alanomaly Rap Battles
1v1 Battles
Queen Elsa vs Sub-Zero | H. H. Holmes vs Norman Bates | ZONE-Tan vs Michael Bay | Deadpool vs Harley Quinn | Question vs L Lawliet | Doctor Strange vs Dr. Fate | Mercer Frey vs Santa Claus | Mr. Krabs vs Tamatoa
Team Battles
Big Time Rush vs Flight of the Conchords | Leif Erikson vs Dovahkiin | Hindu Gods vs Egyptian Gods | Historical Assassins vs Assassin's Creed | Sam & Dean vs Bo & Kenzi | ATLAS & P-Body vs sans & PAPYRUS (Pacifist)
Royale Battles
Will Smith vs Adam Sandler | Eminem vs Johnny Cash | Garfield vs Snoopy | Johnny 5 vs Claptrap | Kate Upton vs Marilyn Monroe
Other
Wonder Woman vs Xena: Warrior Princess
Trilogy
Ben 10 vs The Doctor | Ben 10 vs The Doctor 2 | Ben 10 vs The Doctor 3
Parodies
Eastern Cartoons vs Western Cartoons
Off-Season Battles
T-Dub vs Rappin' For Jesus | The Grinch vs Cthulhu | Pingu vs Groot
Remastered Battles
Big Time Rush vs Flight of the Conchords | Leif Erikson vs Dovahkiin | Eminem vs Johnny Cash | Johnny 5 vs Claptrap

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