Garfield vs Snoopy
Ohai there cykas. Welcome to the next installment of Alanomaly Rap Battles :P

Featuring the two, I guess you could call them kings, of newspaper comics, Garfield and Snoopy!

Hint explanation: Savage got Snoopy but I'm suprised no one at all got Garfield. You not only had to look at their species, but at their breeds. The picture was of a beagle, and an orange tabby cat, the same breeds Garfield and Snoopy are.

Now, let's get into this, shall we? :P


(Beat starts at 0:11 )


Garfield Title Card AlanRB


Snoopy Title Card



I hate Mondays but not as much as I hate you, Snoopy.

A TARDIS rip-off doghouse? What a lame pile of poopy.

Your friend's a bird named after a concert, and your owner's a nincompoop.

When you hear my raps, you'll get sent back to Poochie.

You're in love with a bitch, since you're a dog, that's kind of fitting.

I'm writing up a verse like the scripts our creators have been journaling.

Your grasp on a success is about as great as that of Jim's on politics,

While my rhymes are Universal like the features and the presses of my syndicates.

You were just a minor character, I'm the title of the strip.

Your mother must have been a whore considering your number of siblings.

I'll bring you down like you did the Red Baron.

Wrap up in Linus' blanket so you can regain your bearings.

You can't get your girl while I'm Dancing with the Stars with Arlene.

You're a canine Charlie Chaplin, I'm a comedy gold scene.



Step off the strip, fat cat, feline Fat Albert,

Lazy lasagna addict with some Tigger looking fur.

You'll Arbuckle under the thunder of my insulting remarks.

Unlike most dogs, my bite is much worse than my bark.

Raps so high fly, I inspired Snoop Dogg's name.

Your raps have worse quality than all your video games.

Why don't you just get cancelled like your Joseph Papp musical?

I'm like the upmost respected singers, your level's Barely Political.

When I'm Snooping through the fields, you're wasting time pranking Odie.

And your attacks on Nermal are as low key as can be.

I'll make you invisible, trap you in your cul-de-sac,

Shoot you in the face, oh wait, is that your ballsack?

You're the cat, I'm the dog, so chasing you is my job.

With your shenanigans, you're clearly a wannabe Hobbes.

[The scene changes to a white area with some grass and trees. Calvin & Hobbes appear before Garfield and Snoopy.]

Calvin & Hobbes

(Beat starts at 0:12)

Calvin and Hobbes are coming in to crush these comic trolls,

Whose franchies have more flaws than opinion polls.

Tell me, what the devil is a Garfield?

I'm the true comic feline, superior in this field.

And Snoop Diggity Dog, you're as talented as Charlie Brown.

Get out of the way before our wagon runs you down!

A simple game of cat and dog, with a tiger in the mix.

Your genre is lame, while ours are satire and politics.

We ended in 1995 but our franchise wasn't milked to death,

While the two of you have movies and CGI, you silly pets.

Go to the desert and dehydrate with your brother.

We're Calvin and Hobbes, a dynamic duo unlike any other.

This business is hit or miss, funny or not, there's no area of grey.

Your sections of the paper are more boring than Dilbert's office space!

[The area changes to a office room with a long conference table. The chair at the head of the table turns around, and Dilbert stands up.]


(Beat starts at 0:23)

Starting today, you'll need to recalculate your likelihood of winning,

Against the comic face of the office. Dilbert crushes cats, dogs, and Calvin.

I bring the joy of work with my upturned black and red tie.

I've got themes of dating, ethics, and idosyncracy of style.

Rhymes sharper than the hair of my pointy haired boss.

When you step into my white shirt office, you're sure to be at a loss.

I bring out The Joy of Work, while you all waste the day away.

Tell me, who brings the best political humor every Sunday?

Calvin's immature, so much his doll comes to life.

One day, you'll reach an age where learn it's just a lie.

Garfield's out of shape, and no, round doesn't count.

And Snoopy's a stupid beagle, whose chance of winning I doubt.

This battle is the death of you, and you've said your final sentences.

Now Dilbert's beaten you all, you incompetent menaces.

[The scene changes to a nieghborhood with a red house. In front of the house stands Dennis the Menace.]

Dennis the Menace


Get ready, cause this is like a Nightmare on Elm Street,

The true Menance is Dennis, you peasants should bow to me.

I bring massive antics, making all the neighbors frantic,

Comic rapper from Kansas, spitting raps like toxic acid.

Set it stone that this precocious kindergartener

Is at the top of the comics chain, no one can be any larger.

Not even Big Nate has an annoyance influence like mine.

And the menacing way I rap can never be denied.

The Red Baron's nemesis is no match for Cowboy Bob.

The shooting of the Snoopy shall not cause anyone to sob.

Calvin and Hobbes aren't a challenge, Garfield's uglier than my frog,

And Dilbert's dorkiness maked me wanna shoot him with my slingshot.

Don't try to get to me, you'll have Santa and Easter Bunny to answer to.

You all are no match for the superior comic toon!



Comics Endslate



Who Won?

The poll was created at 19:19 on August 16, 2015, and so far 13 people voted.


  • This is the second royale to have a duo jump in and rap, causing the royale to have six people rapping rather than five.

Hint for the Next Battle

AlanRB7 Hint

-Next battle is kind of a 1v1, starts as it, not a royale

Alanomaly Rap Battles
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