ALANOMALY RAP BATTLES
Now this is a story all about how
Your life’s gonna get flipped, turned upside down.
So I’d like to take a minute, just sit down right there,
And I’ll tell you a story about Adam Sandler.
In Brooklyn, New York, born and raised,
A comedy club is where you spent most of your days.
Lookin for the Remote Control, actin all cool,
Just tryin to be the class clown of the school.
When your older brother, didn’t know what he was thinking,
Told you to perform, then you got a career singing.
Waterboy gets in one little fight, then momma gets scared.
You better Click away, cause here comes the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air!
My momma said that you don’t gotta go full on
You just gotta tap it in, slow it down
You left television, I’m filming with Aykroyd and Buscemi
I’m such a Big Daddy, that you can’t even see me
You were looking for Happyness, you didn’t understand the Rules of Engagement.
I’m a true actor and singer, just step off of the stage, Smith.
I thought your show taught ya, Will, you don’t mess with the Grown Ups.
I’m teaching you a lesson in acting, so keep your Focus.
You ain’t a Legend, you just need a Day of Independence,
You’re busy fighting with an old guy while I’m banging Salma Hayek.
I’m almost finished, so I’ll give you a Bedtime Story,
The only place the Day Takes You is to a cameo in the Jersey.
[A greenish tornado flies into the screen, and the scene changes to an apartment.]
It’s Party Time. P-A-R-T. Y? Because I’ve gotta finish off
The King of iFunny and this failure of golf.
Will, you ain’t even mad, bro?
You don’t got the 23 skills, you’re clearly not that pro.
Throw on your sunglasses, your memory’s getting erased.
Your choice of the West over Matrix was just a complete waste.
Alright, Grandma’s Boy, you need some Anger Management.
Now, in all good conscience, I can’t support your level of violence.
I’ll use both your platinums to tell you What the Hell Happened.
I’ll cut off your cable, then give you a few riddles.
Who are these two fools who need some ghost visits on Christmas?
[A noise is heard, as the Helicarrier lands, and Samuel L. Jackson steps out of it.]
Samuel L. Jackson
Drop to my beat, you’ll be beat, motherfuckers.
Bought out a hospital of the metally ill, motherfuckers.
At the funeral of MLK, motherfuckers,
our raps are gonna need something different, motherfuckers.
I’m Nick Fury, let out a Fury, motherfucker.
Known for my roles in the movies of a bad motherfucker.
Your funniest role is a fish, motherfucker.
Stealing Christmas like you own it, motherfucker.
The one true Disney princess, motherfucker.
I may not have an Oscar, but I still make the fans rise.
From the Avengers, to the motherfucking Hype.
[The sound of a ship is heard, as the Titanic sails in, carrying Leonardo DiCaprio.]
I’m the Wolf of Wall Street, the Great Gatsby.
When my rhymes flow to you, you turn colder than the sea.
Don’t get too close cause I’ll give a first kick,
Then you’ll learn the Growing Pains of an anti-Capulet.
You show up penniless, you’ll be Departed at the port.
No actor safe when I go get the Gang of New York.
Slam dunk better than Smith in my Basketball Diaries.
You best watch out, I’m the best in drama, music, and comedy.
I may be DiCaprio but my lyrics are like that of da Vinci!
ALANOMALY RAP BATTLES!
- This is the first of many royales in Alanomaly Rap Battles.
- Will Smith's verse is done to the beat of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song, a concept later used for each contestant in Eminem vs Johnny Cash.