So this battle features the boy band, Big Time Rush, battling the New Zealand duo, Flight of the Conchords, to see which of these two bands is more worthy of a television show, whether aimed more towards kids or adults.


(Kendell's lyrics are in blue, James' are in orange, Carlos' are in aqua, Logan's are in tan, Jemaine's are in red, and Bret's are in green, and when they rap together the text is white.)





Big Time Rush

Do you want to, ride in a big limousine?

Then you better stay away from FOTC.

Television Forgot About You, now go back to your 7/11.

We're taking over, rocking country clubs, 24/seven.

I'll strap on my helmet then tackle these old fools with my rhymes.

Then afterwards, with The Most Beautiful Girl, I'll spend my time.

I'm the brains of the group, call me a Big Time Dream.

Our ice rink has cooler scenes than your instrumental theme.

From the snow to LA, we quickly arose to fame.

We gotta bleach this fruit, your Australian fingers can taint.

You against us, you're barely even competing.

Crushing these Conchords like it's Big Time Beating!

Flight of the Conchords

Y’know, you don’t really know who you’re dealing with

And with those wack rhymes of yours, I feel bad for One Republic.

I’m the Rhymenocerous, I flip you the birds from on my back

And I’m in a horny mood for talkin smack

Against a band of tangerine pro-teen maniacs.

They call me the Hiphopopotamus, lyrics are bottomless... Uh... [clears throat]

[Instrumental break as Jemaine and Bret do a dance break, until Jemaine manages to think of what to say.]

They call me the Hiphopopotamus, lyrics glow like phosphorus.

Poppin extreme disses off the top of this esophagus

To the worst show on Nickelodeon since Drake & Josh’s permanent hiatus.

We’re both wild, yet trained, domesticated

You’ll give up your recording time just to be dated.

You’re terrorizing your boss, while we’re Cheering Up Murray.

Now excuse us while we go to those three Sexy Ladies.

Big Time Rush

We’re halfway there, we’re up to 5, gonna peel off your beard.

Jemaine’s smile that was never there is about to disappear.

Just step out of the game before we Pressure you like the Inner City.

And here I thought Gustavo’s audition sessions were shitty,

But then when I compare that to you, they turn almost my level of pretty.

You go where the party takes you, we’re the ones starting the party.

Let’s open up the valves, then we’ll really get things started!

Flight of the Conchords

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

No, I'm thinking what I'm thinking.

So you're not thinking what I'm thinking?

No, but I am thinking what you think I'm thinking.

We're about to make it rain on their faces.

You're battling us, but only cause You Wanna Be Famous.

Leave us, Mother Uckers, go back to Minnesota.

Our rhymes make you go owowowowoowoaoa.

We used to be immature like you, then we took knives and forks to the knee.

You don't got music, sounds more like a screaming junkie with monkey disease.

Without emotion, this time, so that they won't be misled.

We'll let the robots know that Big Time Rush is dead!






Who Won?

The poll was created at 00:36 on January 23, 2015, and so far 12 people voted.


  • This is the first installment of Alanomaly Rap Battles.
Alanomaly Rap Battles
1v1 Battles
Queen Elsa vs Sub-Zero | H. H. Holmes vs Norman Bates | ZONE-Tan vs Michael Bay | Deadpool vs Harley Quinn | Question vs L Lawliet | Doctor Strange vs Dr. Fate | Mercer Frey vs Santa Claus | Mr. Krabs vs Tamatoa
Team Battles
Big Time Rush vs Flight of the Conchords | Leif Erikson vs Dovahkiin | Hindu Gods vs Egyptian Gods | Historical Assassins vs Assassin's Creed | Sam & Dean vs Bo & Kenzi | ATLAS & P-Body vs sans & PAPYRUS (Pacifist)
Royale Battles
Will Smith vs Adam Sandler | Eminem vs Johnny Cash | Garfield vs Snoopy | Johnny 5 vs Claptrap | Kate Upton vs Marilyn Monroe
Wonder Woman vs Xena: Warrior Princess
Ben 10 vs The Doctor | Ben 10 vs The Doctor 2 | Ben 10 vs The Doctor 3
Eastern Cartoons vs Western Cartoons
Off-Season Battles
T-Dub vs Rappin' For Jesus | The Grinch vs Cthulhu | Pingu vs Groot
Remastered Battles
Big Time Rush vs Flight of the Conchords | Leif Erikson vs Dovahkiin | Eminem vs Johnny Cash | Johnny 5 vs Claptrap