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Mr Krabs vs Tamatoa

Okay so this has been like the fourth battle in a streak of 1v1 battles in a series supposed to be about team vs team battles and royales.

If everything goes well, the next battle should be a team vs team battle.

No promises though.

So I've become a bit obsessed with the song Shiny from Moana, becoming my favorite Disney villain song (and favorite Disney song over all), with Tamatoa becoming one of my favorite characters, and the fact he's voiced by Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords makes it even better.

So I decided fuck it let's do this battle.

I feel like Tamatoa has weaker lines than Krabs tho so rip

Anyways, we have the greedy crab and owner of the Krust Krab from SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Eugene Krabs, taking on the only talking antagonist of Disney's Moana, Tamatoa. Greedy crabs. Yep. Let's get into it.

Also look someone else did a battle involving a Disney character and a Nickelodeon character. So go read that.

Lyrics

ALANOMALY RAP BATTLES

Mr Krabs TC

VS

Tamatoa TC

BEGIN

Mr. Krabs

You're wasting your time, so you're wasting me money!

You ripped off Maui as much as you did to me, sonny!

Your greed led to your defeat, with no one to fall back on!

I'm successful like a clown, you're a 50 foot tall Plankton!

I'm the captain, so Schwab the deck, you bottom feeder!

What's next? Deadpool your way into talking to the reader?

Touch me money and another one of your legs'll come off!

I'll rob you of your riches like a Smitty Werben grave rob!

Help Wanted: A better Disney homage to David Bowie!

You got used for one movie, my franchise kept growing!

Playing Hooky with a demigod, you'll be paired with an instrument!

Your chances of beating me are the same as you being in Disney Infinite!

Tamatoa

Are you just trying to make me defend myself?

Cause I'll do it with disses that'll put you back on the ice shelf!

The sperm came from someone else to make your child, man!

Armor Abs? You're a big softy on the inside, man!

You'll be left in a deeper place than after the navy,

You're Rags to riches in the worst way, baby!

Such a shame, I ate the most humungous Krabby Patty,

I love seafood, Krabs, now it's time to get snappy!

Mr. Krabs

Me victory is protected like ravioli, ravioli!

I was framed! You tried to steal from a god, so holy!

Sir Grinch-A-Lot, you're coconuts! But with no army this time,

I'm a whale of a crab, I'm like a Conchord taking Flight!

A tainted patty'd look better than any of the gold you've got!

A name and voice change wouldn't save you like you thought!

The way to beat Rock is with paper, I've got loads of the green kind,

This sailor needs less than thirteen words to kick your [dolphin noise] behind!

Tamatoa

[Tamatoa hits the side of his seashell home, causing it to close, and his body turns bioluminescent.]

"Protected?" Ha! Krabs, you're starting to sound quite loony,

I need three words to prove you wrong: The Spongebob Movie!

I'm beautiful, yet hidden, like a Shiny Crabrawler

You get one ghostly vision and turn into a crab baller!

You're not the brightest, I shine like a puffer's neck!

Worth next to nothing, like a Krusty Krab check!

After eighteen years, you've become a terrible performance!

Make like me when getting food: remain dormant!

Eugene! Now you're looking very tiny!

I've never seen any crab so whiny!

You're never gonna shine so brightly,

You wish you were the richest and shiny!

WHO WON?

WHO'S NEXT?

MKvTEndslade

ALANOMA-

[The logo is snapped in half by Tamatoa's claw.]

Can we be real? If you actually decided, no battles would get done in this series. It's always Alan who picks them for this. You know it's true.

Mr. Krabs

You're wasting your time, so you're wasting me money!

(This line is a parody of the phrase "Time is money." Krabs also parodied this line in an episode of Spongebob Squarepants, in which he accused Spongebob of wasting time, meaning he was wasting money. Here Krabs' reasoning for saying Tamatoa is wasting his time is that he won't beat Krabs.)

You ripped off Maui as much as you did to me, sonny!

(In Tamatoa's song, Shiniy, he gives credit to Maui for his inspiration, as Maui's tattoos are a partial inspiration for Tamatoa's golden shell. Krabs says that the concept of a character who is a greedy crab was ripped from him to be used for Tamatoa.)

Your greed led to your defeat, with no one to fall back on!

(In Moana, Tamatoa's fate is being left on his back, unable to get up, and no one willing to help him. Krabs saying "fall back on" is a pun on the fact Tamatoa fell onto his back. Tamatoa having "no one to fall back on" can be backed up by Tamatoa saying he ate his own grandmother.)

I'm successful like a clown, you're a 50 foot tall Plankton!

(Krabs' greediness has led him to success with the Krusty Krab. Krabs compares this success to Ronald McDonald, the clown mascot of the successful fast food chain, McDonald's. Krabs again compares his success to Tamatoa's downfall by calling Tamatoa a 50 foot tall, Tamatoa's confirmed size, version of Plankton, Krabs' unsuccessful rival and owner of the Chum Bucket.)

I'm the captain, so Schwab the deck, you bottom feeder!

(Krabs comes from a line of pirates, and even has experience as the captain of a ship. Krabs orders Tamatoa to swab the deck, a phrase said by pirates to cabin boys for them to clean the ship, and also makes a pun on "swab" and Schwab, a reference to Bill Schwab, who designed Tamatoa. This portion of the line is also a reference to the line, "Scrub the deck and make it look shiny!" from Shiny. Tamatoa has been called a beady-eyed bottom feeder by many others in Lalotai, the realm of monsters. This might also be a small reference to Gary the Snail, a bottom feeder who was employed by Krabs once to scare off Plankton.)

What's next? Deadpool your way into talking to the reader?

(Krabs once again bashes Tamatoa for being similar to another already existing character, in this case, Deadpool. In Moana, Tamatoa breaks the fourth wall three times, one of which references Sebastian from Disney's The Little Mermaid, which is very similar to Deadpool's fourth wall breaking, and references to other works by Marvel, his respective company. Tamatoa is also insane, has a twisted sense of humor, narcissistic, and unpredictable, all of which are traits shared with Deadpool. In this case, Krabs accuses Tamatoa of possibly talking to the reader of the battle.)

Touch me money and another one of your legs'll come off!

(In the Spongebob Squarepants episode, Born Again Crabs, Krabs threatens to rip someone's arm off unless they let go of a penny. Krabs threatens Tamatoa with something similar, but in this case, refers to Tamatoa's leg. This serves as a reference to Tamatoa having lost a leg to Maui, as well as a reference to the iconic line from Spongebob Squarepants: "My leg!", said in almost every situation where a large group of people are hurt.)

I'll rob you of your riches like a Smitty Werben grave rob!

(In the original story, after being defeated, Tamatoa was going to be robbed of all his riches by other creatures in Lalotai. Krabs says he'll do this in a similar fashion to a grave robbery, specifically like the time where Krabs robbed the grave of Smitty Werbenjagermanjensen for his supposedly drink hat.)

Help Wanted: A better Disney homage to David Bowie!

(Krabs' first appearance was in the Spongebob Squarepants pilot episode, Help Wanted. The inspiration for Tamatoa's character was David Bowie. Krabs says there should be a better Disney character as an homage to Bowie.)

You got used for one movie, my franchise kept growing!

(So far, Tamatoa has only had one appearance in any medium, whereas the Spongebob Squarepants franchise has been going on since May 1, 1999.)

Playing Hooky with a demigod, you'll be paired with an instrument!

(In the Spongebob Squarepants episode Hooky, Spongebob and Patrick play on fish hooks, despite many warnings by Krabs. In Moana, Maui uses a giant fish hook to use his powers. When Maui first gets his hook back from Tamatoa's collection, he's very out of practice and is unable to use his powers properly, causing Tamatoa's fear to turn into cockiness. Krabs refers to Tamatoa's defeat in the same way he warned Spongebob and Patrick of the fish hooks: that he'd be paired with mayonnaise. In this case, he references the episode Band Geeks, in which Patrick asked of mayonnaise was an instrument.)

Your chances of beating me are the same as you being in Disney Infinite!

(Originally, Tamatoa was set to be in the Moana set for DISNEY INFINITY: 3.0 EDITION, but the set was scrapped when the game was discontinued, and Krabs compares this to the possibility of Tamatoa ever being in the game.)

Tamatoa

Are you just trying to make me defend myself?

(When Moana is trying to distract Tamatoa by asking him about his greatness, he asks if she simply is trying to trick him into talking about himself, which he gladly proceeds to. Here, he parodies that with defending himself rather than just talking about himself.)

Cause I'll do it with disses that'll put you back on the ice shelf!

(Tamatoa says he'll defend himself, but in addition to that, he'll insult Krabs. "Cold" is a term commonly used to describe disses. Tamatoa makes a pun on this, referring to the several times Krabs has been frozen during the franchise, most notably in the Spongebob Squarepants movie.)

The sperm came from someone else to make your child, man!

(While Krabs is a crab, his daughter, Pearl, is a sperm whale. Tamatoa, while making a pun on "sperm," accuses Krabs of being cheated on for Pearl to be born.)

Armor Abs? You're a big softy on the inside, man!

(In the Spongebob Squarepants episodes Shell Shocked and Shell of a Man, Krabs was seen without his shell, in which he was shown to be very fleshy and soft. Tamatoa is calling out Krabs for not being as tough as he acts, and not worthy of his title, "Armor-Abs Krabs.")

You'll be left in a deeper place than after the navy,

(After being in the navy, Krabs fell into a deep depression, one that Tamatoa says will be out-matched by the end of this battle.)

You're Rags to riches in the worst way, baby!

(As a child, Krabs lived in poverty, and his clothes were stitched by rags, and had a nickname of "Rags." Rags to riches refers to coming out of poverty into being wealthy, and Tamatoa says the way it happened here was in the worst way it could've happened.)

Such a shame, I ate the most humungous Krabby Patty,

(A popular fan theory is that the beloved Krabby Patties are made of actual crab meat. Tamatoa says he ate the most humngous patty of all. This would directly refer to his grandmother, who he claimed to have eaten (as is the nature of coconut crabs) and that she took a while because she was humungous.)

I love seafood, Krabs, now it's time to get snappy!

(In Shiny, Tamatoa expresses his love for free food and seafood. Given that he's a cannibal, eating other crabs is not below Tamatoa, and therefore eating Krabs would not be out of the question. "Snappy" in this case refers to Tamatoa having to use his gigantic claws to crack open Krabs' shell for consumption.)

Mr. Krabs

Me victory is protected like ravioli, ravioli!

(In the episode Imitation Krabs, Plankton, in a robot suit disguised as Krabs, parodies the tune of Meatball, Meatball with "Ravioli, ravioli, give me the formuoli!" Meatball, Meatball is used in the long protection process of the Krabby Patty secret formula. Krabs is saying his victory is protected in the same extremity.)

I was framed! You tried to steal from a god, so holy!

(While Tamatoa never directly stole the heart of Te Fiti, which was stolen by Maui instead, he did in fact attempt to take it from Maui and Moana for his own deeds. Te Fiti is a goddess of life, and therefore if Tamatoa had the heart, he would be the culprit. In the Spongebob Squarepants movie, Krabs was framed by Plankton to have stolen the crown of King Neptune, who would play a similar role as Te Fiti, although not portayed as a god or deity in the franchise, instead is just a royal king.)

Sir Grinch-A-Lot, you're coconuts! But with no army this time,

(In the second movie, The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water, Krabs becomes a super hero called Sir Pinch-A-Lot. As Tamatoa is an obvious hermit, Krabs compares him to the Grinch, another hermit, while parodying his own name. Hermit is also a type of crab. While also referring to Tamatoa's craziness, he calls him "coconuts," which refers to the fact Tamatoa is a coconut crab. The "army" refers to the Kakamora, a coconut-like species that attacked Maui and Moana, and this also references again the fact Tamatoa is alone.)

I'm a whale of a crab, I'm like a Conchord taking Flight!

(In Dunces and Dragons, it is revealed that Krabs is part whale, possibly explaining how Pearl was born, and Krabs references this with "whale of a crab." Krabs explains how far above Tamatoa he is by saying he's flying, while also referencing Flight of the Conchords, as Tamatoa's voice actor is Jemaine Clement, one half of the duo.)

A tainted patty'd look better than any of the gold you've got!

(In Patty Hype, when coming up with new marketing ideas, Spongebob came up with the idea of Pretty Patties, which involved taking a patty and coloring it a different color, which was at first mocked by Krabs and Squidward, Krabs even going so far as to think the meat was tainted due to the green color, only for the former to eventually buy the product from Spongebob. He says that even the green patties would look better than the beautiful gold on Tamatoa's back.)

A name and voice change wouldn't save you like you thought!

(In the post credits scene of Moana, Tamatoa breaks the fourth wall by yelling at the audience, saying they'd help him if he was named Sebastian and had a "cool Jamaican accent," referencing Sebastian the crab from Disney's The Little Mermaid. Krabs says that, even if Tamatoa had said name an accent, no one would help him.)

The way to beat Rock is with paper, I've got loads of the green kind,

(Maui's voice actor is Dwayne Johnson, commonly known by his wrestler name, "The Rock." In the game Rock, Paper, Scissors, paper beats rock. Krabs says that his money, or "green kind" of paper would have been much more effective against Maui than Tamatoa's brute force.)

This sailor needs less than thirteen words to kick your [dolphin noise] behind!

(In the episode Sailor Mouth and the SpongeBob Movie Rap Battle, swears are censored by dolphin noises. In the former, Krabs mentions sailors have a total of thirteen bad words. This line also parodies a line from Shiny: "Maui! Now it's time to kick your hiney!")

Tamatoa

"Protected?" Ha! Krabs, you're starting to sound quite loony,

(Tamatoa scoffs and laughs at the idea of Krabs' victory being protected.)


I need three words to prove you wrong: The Spongebob Movie!

(In Shiny, Tamatoa says he needs only three words to tear Moana's grandma's argument apart. He parodies this here, saying that, if Krabs' victory is as protected as the Krabby Patty Secret Formula, then there's a way to get the formula. In the Spongebob movie, Plankton manages to get a hold of the formula, implying some imperfections in the idea.)

I'm beautiful, yet hidden, like a Shiny Crabrawler

(Despite his insecurities, Tamatoa is extremely vain. While referencing the title of his song, he compares himself to a Crabrawler, a Pokémon based on a coconut crab, but specifically a Shiny Crabrawler, a version of Crabrawler with an alternate color scheme. Shiny Pokémon are also extremely rare, which Tamatoa compares with the fact he stays hidden despite his beauty.)

You get one ghostly vision and turn into a crab baller!


(In Born Again Krabs, Krabs is visited by the Flying Dutchman, who threatens him with Davy Jones' locker after his greediness almost killed him. After being threatened, Krabs instantly started balling like a baby.)

You're not the brightest, I shine like a puffer's neck!

(Making a pun on "bright," both in terms of physical appearance and also intelligence, Tamatoa compares his beauty and shininess to Krabs by putting it into perspective for Krabs by referencing Mrs. Puff, a pufferfish who Krabs temporarily fell in love with, and was the only person Krabs was willing to spend money on. He also references another line in Shiny: "I will sparkle like a ealthy woman's neck!")

Worth next to nothing, like a Krusty Krab check!

(Due to his lack of a shiny shell, Tamatoa states that Krabs is worth nothing, similar to that of a check he would give Squidward or Spongebob, the latter of which having stated a nickel was more than he gets in a year.)

After eighteen years, you've become a terrible performance!

(Spongebob Squarepants has been on the air for almost eighteen years, and several fans have commented on the drop in quality in the post-Movie era of Spongebob seasons. This also parodies the "What a terrible performance, get the hook!" line from Shiny.)

Make like me when getting food: remain dormant!

(Tamatoa uses the gold on his shell as bait for fish and other creatures to come by for him to eat. Due to the performance of Spongebob Squarepants, Tamatoa says Krabs and the rest of the series should lie dormant in a similar fashion.)

Eugene! Now you're looking very tiny!

I've never seen any crab so whiny!

You're never gonna shine so brightly,

You wish you were the richest and shiny!

(All four of these lines are done in the style of Shiny. The first line directly parodies the line "Maui! Now it's time to kick your hiney!," in this case referring to the massive size difference between Krabs and Tamatoa. "I've never seen a crab so whiny!" parodies "Never seen someone so shiny!," in this case referring to Krabs as being whiny whenever he loses but a single penny. "You're never gonna shine so brightly," parodies "You'll never be quite as shiny," referring to Krabs simply being a dull red, contrasting with Tamatoa's shininess. "You wish you were the richest and shiny!" parodies the final line of Shiny, "You wish you were nice and shiny!," Tamatoa here saying Krabs was as rich and shiny as Tamatoa.)

Poll

Who Won?
 
6
 
7
 

The poll was created at 17:39 on March 29, 2017, and so far 13 people voted.

Hints to the Next Battle

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