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Time to make the chimi-fucking-changas.

Make sure ya don't spoil too much, now.

Oh, no, god, please, no. Please don't-

Don't what? Break the fourth wall enough so that I end up in the review of my own movie? Yeah, not gonna happen.

God fucking damnit, Deadpool.

It's best just to roll with it.

Oh, god, not you, too.

I think you mean "you two."

Jesus Christ on a bike, you two weren't even-

Uh-uh-uh! No spoilers about that!

...that's not even a spoiler.

What isn't a spoiler? The fact my two thinking boxes weren't in the movie? ...Shit.

Yeah, not that spoilery.

Hey, do me a favor, and code your text to where it can't be fucking seen thanks to the background of the wiki. You're making this review look like Team RWBY with a bad case of potty mouth.

I'M making it that? You've cussed more than I have so far!

[Deadpool takes a phone out of a section of his belt.]

Yes, hello, operator? I'd like you to connect me with bullshit! Because as of now, we've only cussed the same amount of times. Now, do you wanna keep arguing with me, or do you wanna get this review over with so we can go work on the spoilery one?

"We?"

Yes, "we." Now either get on with this, or fuck off so I can do it.

Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen. But you do have a point, let's get this started.

Review

I'm not going to be able to go into much detail about what I loved about this movie without being too spoilery.

That's what the spoilery version is for.

[Alan claps sarcastically.]

So proud that you were able to give us that piece of obvious information. Anyways, I'm just going to give a bit of a rundown on three characters before I get to the rest of the stuff. Um... What the fuck is this shit? Why are-

The names of the people you're gonna talk about listed as descriptions instead of names? I thought it would be a nice touch.

Of course you did.

The Merc with a Mouth

Ryan Ryenolds absolutely blew the part of Deadpool out of the water with his performance. I already figured that's how it would be, but I didn't realize the entirety of it until seeing the full movie itself.

Obviously, it was Deadpool playing Ryan Reynolds.

That's a, uh, nice way to rip off how David Tennant saying he was the Doctor playing David Tennant.

Hush, child, they don't know this.

Riiiiiiight. Anyways, Reynolds pulled everything off perfectly with this character. The humor, the stunts, the attitude, and Jesus fucking Christ in the Tour de France, the fourth wall breaks.

At least 17 times, that is.

Seventeen?

I dunno, you're the one who counted.

Good point, I'm probably forgetting some.

An Emotional Teenager

Both Deadpool and I went into this having no idea who Negasonic Teenage Warhead was, but holy shit did the both of us grow to like her by the end of the film.

Her name is still one of the coolest things ever.

Well, there actually is something we agree on. Not only is her name cool, but her powers are fucking epic.

Except when it involves shooting me into the air like a fucking geyser.

Especially when it involves shooting you into the air like a fucking geyser.

Oh, fuck you.

Not only are her powers great, but her interactions with Deadpool and Colossus were great as well. She didn't say much, but she has some amazing one-liners when she does talk.

A CGI Dude

I had heard about Colossus before the movie, but he's not exactly someone I knew a lot about. I wasn't ever really a comics guy until just recently. I didn't expect much humor to come out of him, but he does have it.

What the fuck kind of drugs are you on? Colossus has no humor.

And that my... um...

Isn't that the part where you're supposed to say "friend?"

Acquaintance... That, my acquaintance, is called personal bias. Colossus has tons of humor in this movie but he doesn't do it on purpose. When you're cussing constantly, when he's fighting Angel Dust and her tit falls out for a few seconds, he has great humor in these small moments, and you just refuse them because you just don't like him.

You took up 3 lines of text with one extra word, nice job, you're reminding me of Metal Cock now.

Flattering name, Deadpool.

Plot

After having done some research, the story isn't full true to the book Deadpool story, but it makes enough sense and was good enough to where it actually was perfect.

Great plot review. 10/10 -IGN.

Cut me some slack. I'm trying not to spoil this for the people who haven't seen it yet. All I can say is that this movie's plot was perfect for Deadpool and the purposes of what was focused on in it. It was a perfect mix of humor and serious for this character.

Humor

This is a highly warranted section just because of what all we have to cover. Deadpool's one liners, Negasonic's lines, Colossus' accidental humor, Weasel calling you a the lovechild of Freddy Krueger and a topographical map of Utah.

You almost spelled that as "YouTah."

They're not supposed to know the spelling errors that almost happened. Does your fourth wall breaking have no bounds?

Probably do, but I'd just break them down, too.

Fourth wall break within a fourth wall break?

That's like... 16 different walls.

And now we've completely ripped off a perfect example of the humor from this movie.

Conclusion

We're already here? Damn, this was a short review.

Most of it was you talking anyways.

Well, I won't deny it.

Anyways, everything about this movie was perfection.

That's what you think.

What do you know, I actually agree with him.

Oh, for fuck's sake, you two.

Just ignore them, it's what I do. Usually.

HEY!

This is a really weird movie review. Anyways, everything about this was perfection, like I said. The portrayal of the characters (although Negasonic's powers apparently weren't the same as they were in the comics, being more similar to those of Cannonball's), the interactions of these characters with each other, the great mix of humor and seriousness, Deadpool's fourth wall breaks. The only thing it was missing was the boxes.

There is a certain charm that Yellow Thought Box and Courier Font Box bring, but the movie was fine without them. Hopefully we'll get to see them in the future though. And by "we," I mean me and the audiene.

Poll

What the fuck happened to my poll? Deadpool!

You asked "Will you go watch Deadpool based on this review?" So I gave them the correct answer. Besides, this blog is a terrible basis for wanting to know whether they should watch Deadpool or not. They'll only get a good blog review when we do the spoilery one.

Will you go watch Deadpool based on this review?
 
10
 

The poll was created at 04:32 on February 14, 2016, and so far 10 people voted.

Also, you totally missed the perfect shot to make a "Deadpoll" joke.

Get the fuck out of my blog.

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