Two sarcastic villains from video games. Thought this would make an interesting battle. Let's see what you think.


Handsome Jack:

Hail to the King, Baby! You're testing days are over.

Well Maybe, but you're likely to be getting reset moreover.  

Hyperion is gonna' burn Aperture to the ground.  

And in this battle, Caroline here is going down.

I'm fucking Handsome Jack! Killing the mic like it's a bandit.

Don't even try to talk smack. I can't stand it!

Even after death, i'll return, still creating Tales.

When you returned you did nothing but create more fails!

Welcome to Pandora, and here's the stitch:

Moral of the story is that you're a total bitch!


Hmph. You're raps just prove that you're a fake.

You being the best villain is a bigger lie then the Cake.

Thinking you can beat me? You're stupider then Wheatley.

I'll burn you alive in an incinerator, this time i'll make sure completely.

You? A Hero? You're as bright as a dying star.

You're not original, you even ripped off Avatar.

I've never heard a more lame backstory in my life.

No wonder you strangled a guy for mentioning your wife.

I should just send your sorry ass into outer space.

You wear that mask to cover your ugly ass face.

Handsome Jack:

So now wait a sec, if i kill you, would i see oil or blood?

Ah, who gives a shit? You were more threatening as a spud.

I'm a borderline psycho, but then again this is Borderlands.

Up the beat Maestro! This bitch was never touched by loving hands.

I'll open the vault and bring the Destroyer out to play.

Everyone will say "Glados? What's a Glados?" one day.

This is a battle win nobody will forget! Not a single complaint!

Now i ride Butt Stallion into the sunset! See ya', you son of a taint!


I can't decide who's more annoying and ugly, you or Chell?

I'll just launch you out of my wires with some Propulsion Gel.

I'm honestly starting to wonder why are you Still Alive?

You only survived when you were plugged into a guy's hard drive.

You've been a pest enough, the whole world Wants You Gone.

Thanks to Atlas and P-Body, Aperture's on the way to a new dawn.

I believe your game writers made sure to include every bad pun.

If your company didn't revive vault hunters, maybe you'd have won. 


...and your making me gun for the EPIC RESPAWNED RAP BATTLES!

Who Won?

The poll was created at 20:13 on June 9, 2015, and so far 9 people voted.