With the release of Fantastic Beasts today, this seemed like a fitting battle to return with. I've got a few others completed as well that will be going up every five days until before Xmas, where i'll go on break. This season will be extended longer than my usual seasons, but will also be the final season i do these things. Hope y'all enjoy the rest of my battles. 


JK Rowling VS Stephanie Meyer!



Yes, I think I'm quite up for a good fight.

Would you look at the time? It's Twilight.

By the time this battle's over, everyone'll be Team Meyer.

You had to sell out to spin offs, your franchise's on a wire.

I'm making millions while you're crying over the press.

You're a single parent who can't handle the stress.

All this controversy might hurt your precious image.

I beat you for an english award without being british.

My name and franchise are worth millions, it's irrefutable.

You want a book about witches? Bitch, try the Crucible!


As an author, you're a disgrace, so don't even start.

Your vampire erotica takes up clearance space at Walmart.

Both your rapping and writing makes me want to upchuck! 

Face it, even Stephen King knows that you suck!

Your hour of fame is over, and I don't mean to sound knave.

But your stories leave Bram Stoker rolling over in his grave.

Your boy toys are in every young girl's closet shrine.

Your fans turned comic con into just waiting in line!

All that sex and violence, did your church have a field day? 

Your books are just the weak version of 50 Shades of Grey!


Oh dear, that verse made me want to puke.

I could call you JK Cosby with all your legal disputes.

I mean come on! Let your fans have a little fun!

Or like Harry's parents, your series will be done.

Every relationship in your books is just badly written.

Like Potter seeing Ginny once and he's suddenly smitten.

I will complement the fact of how much you give to charity.

But seriously, you need to write with a little more clarity. 

Down to brass tactics of romance, I've got an addiction.

I've got the biggest love triangle in the history of fiction!


Newsflash. I think Buffy beat you to it.

Complement you? Yeah, I just can't do it. 

Cause I'm rapping like Lumos, I'm so enlightening.

While you somehow think Disco Balls are frightening!

I'm the fiction queen! The biggest franchise in history! 

How you even became famous is a real mystery.

Don't mention relationships, yours is all through stares.

Now you're publishing fan fiction, who even still cares? 

You're the worst! I'm hardcore, your style is too soft.

Here's an unforgivable curse. Take your books and fuck off.



Hint for Next Battle: Groovy Babe

Who Won?

The poll was created at 16:40 on November 18, 2016, and so far 1 people voted.
Season One Link vs Sir LancelotJohn Constantine vs Doctor StrangeGordon Ramsey vs Simon CowellElectro vs Cole MacgrathStarlord vs Boba FettJoker vs Ronald McDonaldNorman Bates vs Dexter MorganWinchester Brothers vs Brothers Grimm • Bruce Banner vs Dr.Jekyll • Robin Hood vs Green Arrow • R.L. Stine vs H.P. Lovecraft • King Joffery vs Draco Malfoy
Season Two JRR Tolkein vs George RR MartinTony Montana vs Vito CorleoneRyu vs ScorpionFreddy Krueger vs Jason VoorheesUltron vs MegatronDracula vs FrankensteinJack Torrance vs Patrick BatemanFrank Underwood vs Raymond ReddingtonLink vs Sir Lancelot 2Blade vs Van HelsingThe Riddler vs The PenguinAtticus Finch vs Saul Goodman
Season Three Tom Hanks vs Leonardo DiCaprioJigsaw Killer vs Zodiac KillerSpawn vs HellboyHamlet vs MacbethChuck E Cheese vs Freddy FazbearHe-Man vs Lion-OElsa vs Sub-ZeroSolid Snake vs Snake EyesThe Babadook vs SlendermanPennywise vs TwistyRod Serling vs The Crypt KeeperMatt Groening vs Seth MacFarlane
Season Four Jesse James vs Billy the Kid • Dorthy vs Alice • Ulysses S Grant vs Robert E Lee • James Moriarty vs Ernst Stavro Blofeld •  Tron vs Neo • Voltron VS Power Rangers • Bach VS Tupac • Captain Planet VS Al Gore • Tiger Woods VS Tony Hawk • Ernest Hemingway VS Robert Frost • Dr.House VS Dr.Cox • Monty Python VS The Marx Brothers
Season Five

Ash Ketchum VS Charles Darwin • Eminem VS Johnny Cash • Steve Urkel VS Arthur Fonzarelli • Astronauts VS Astronomers • Shigeru Miyamoto VS Hayao Miyazaki • M.C. Esher VS Salvador Dali • Freddy Krueger VS Edward Scissorhands • Jack Skellington VS The Grinch • Mother Nature VS Father Time • Captain America VS Uncle Sam • Quicksilver VS Flash • Indiana Jones VS James Bond • One Direction VS the Beatles

Season Six

M. Night Shyamalan VS Tim Burton • Yugi Moto VS King TutJK Rowling vs Stephanie Meyer • TBA • TBA • TBA • TBATBA • TBA • TBA • TBA  • TBA • TBA • TBA • TBA  • TBA • TBA  • THE FINAL BATTLE

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