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Sun Tzu
Sun Tzu Title Card
Timothy DeLaGhetto as Sun Tzu
Character information
Birth name Sun Wu (孫武)
Nickname(s) Sun Tzu (孫子)
Sun Zi
Changqing (長卿)
Military Sage
Born 544-545 BC
Qi
Died 496 or 470 BCE (aged 48 or 75)
Wu
Physical description
Hair Black
Eyes Brown
Based on
Sun Tzu Based On
Rap battle information
Appeared in Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers
Vs The Western Philosophers
Confucius (last verse)
Lao Tzu (last verse)
Release date July 6, 2015
Votes on website 62%
Location(s) Ancient China
Western landmarks
Bitch, I wrote The Art of War, so you better get your guns out!
— Sun Tzu

Sun Tzu, alongside Confucius and Lao Tzu, battled the Western Philosophers as a part of the Eastern Philosophers in Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers. He also turned against Confucius and Lao Tzu later on in the same battle. He was portrayed by Timothy DeLaGhetto.

Information on the rapper

Sun Tzu, also rendered as Sun Zi, was a Chinese military general, strategist, and philosopher who lived in the Spring and Autumn period of ancient China. The name he is best known by is actually an honorific which means "Master Sun". His birth name was Sun Wu, and he was known outside of his family by his courtesy name Changqing. He is traditionally credited as the author of The Art of War (孫子兵法), an extremely influential ancient Chinese book on military strategy. Sun Tzu has had a significant impact on Chinese and Asian history and culture, both as the author of The Art of War and as a legendary historical figure.

Lyrics

[Note: Sun Tzu is in red, while Confucius and Lao Tzu are in regular text.]

Verse 1:

This type of arrogance is sure to be expected

From men who speak of wisdom with no clue of what respect is!

You Westerners are sloppy, needing discipline in life.

You lack control of yourselves and of the mic,

While we use precise strikes to disrupt your concentration!

Hand you an ass-whipping our descendants will honor for generations!

We filled a nation with patience and the presence for living,

And you'll never hold a candle to the wisdom we've written!

Verse 2:

Bitch, I wrote The Art of War, so you better get your guns out!

These white boys getting burned 'cause guess what? Now, the Sun's out!

Asians spitting sick, but no, this isn't SARS!

Laozi, kick the beat; now Confucius, drop some bars!

Let me be Candide with you, Voltaire,

French drip with the egg noodle hair.

Your ego's just so distracting.

Free speech doesn't mean just keep yapping!

And you killed God, so I gotta ask:

Did he die of shame when he made your mustache?

You tried to plant a new German psyche,

But you just grew hate; me no Third Reichy!

And it all starts with you: you're the father, Socrates!

Honestly, I think you owe both of your students here an apology!

Verse 3:

I have turned them on themselves. Their chaos is our opportunity!

We must remember: a bowl is most useful when it is empty.

(Ugh!) Laozi, I don't mean no disrespect,

But you need to fill your bowl with some shit that makes some sense!

Oh, you don't wanna stand in the path of Lao Tzu today.

I'll make you move, bitch. Get out the way!

Yo, where in the tradition of rap battles is it written

That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some clucking chickens?

Man, Confucius, you always try to put something in its place.

Why don't you tell your eyebrows they need to fit better on your face?

Okay, I see. You wanna make it like that?

I'll smack that warmongering head out of your to-go box hat!

So here's the real golden rule: I'm way above you weak rookies!

Confucius say you can all hold these fortune cookies!

Scrapped lyrics

[Note: Sun Tzu is in red, while Confucius and Lao Tzu are in regular text, all three philosophers rapping together is in italics.]

And you'll never hold a candle to the wisdom we've given!


Hey man, I'm Lao Tzu. You ain't gotta talk like that to me.

I'll fuck you up like the Tao Te Ching, G.

You egg noodle hair, what are you doing with your egg noodle hair?

You egg noodle hair, what are you doing with your egg noodle hair?

Nietzsche, you're the one who killed God, so I gotta ask:

Do you think he died of embarrassment after he made your fucking mustache?

Tried to plant seeds of a new German psyche,

But you grew a bunch of racists, bro; me no Third Reichy!

Call yourself a (???) your followers stem right from the source.

Confucius say never trust a dude who Crazy Horse.

All your self-righteous Western philosophy has gotten us is

A world full of debauchery, guillotines and fucking swastikas!


I have turned them on ourselves. This chaos is our opportunity!


Bro, enough with the riddles, I don't mean no disrespect!


That two dudes on the same team should squabble like some fucking chickens?

Confucius, if you always wanna try to put something in its place,


In the midst of this chaos lies our opportunity!

Trivia

  • Timothy DeLaGhetto was featured in Nigahiga's Mother's Day video dressed as Sun Tzu.[1]
  • His brief appearance in the Western Philosophers' background references his use of espionage in war, and to cause chaos among his many enemies.
  • Nice Peter once said that he wanted NigaHiga to portray Sun Tzu, but it was changed to Timothy instead.

Gallery

References

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