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Socrates
Socrates Title Card
EpicLLOYD as Socrates
Character information
Birth name Socrates
Nickname(s) Gadfly
Born c. 470/469 BC
Athens, Greece
Died c. 399 BC (aged 70–71)
Athens, Greece
Physical description
Hair White (formerly brown)
Eyes Brown
Based on
Socrates Based On
Rap battle information
Appeared in Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers
Vs The Eastern Philosophers
Nietzsche (last verse)
Voltaire (last verse)
Release date June 6, 2015
Votes on website 38%
Location(s) Western landmarks
Cameo appearance
Socrates Cameo
Cameo information
Appeared in Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted
During Bill & Ted's first verse
Location(s) The Circle K
The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!
— Socrates

Socrates first made a cameo appearance in Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted. He later returned as a rapper, alongside Nietzsche and Voltaire, battling the Eastern Philosophers as a part of the Western Philosophers in Eastern Philosophers vs Western Philosophers. He also turned against Nietzsche and Voltaire partway through the battle. He was portrayed by EpicLLOYD on both occasions.

Information on the rapper

Socrates (Greek: Σοκρατης) was born circa 470/469 BC, in Athens, Greece. He was a classical Greek philosopher credited as one of the main founders of Western philosophy.

Socrates believed that philosophy should achieve practical results for the greater well-being of society. He attempted to establish an ethical system based on human reason rather than theological doctrine. He pointed out that human choice was motivated by the desire for happiness.

For Socrates, Athens was a classroom and he went about asking questions of the elite and common man alike, seeking to arrive at political and ethical truths. He asked questions of his fellow Athenians in a dialectic method (the Socratic Method) which compelled the audience to think through a problem to a logical conclusion. Unlike many philosophers, Socrates never wrote anything down since most of his ideas were transmitted through his students, the most well-known being Plato.

While many Athenians admired Socrates' challenges to Greek conventional wisdom and the humorous way he went about it, an equal number grew angry and felt he threatened their way of life and uncertain future.

In 399 BCE, after refusing to conform to the social properties put forth, the more important men of the city accused Socrates of breaking the law by violating these customs. For this, he was charged with impiety. Ignoring the counsel of his friends, Socrates chose to defend himself in court. Instead of the defense filled with self-justification and pleas for his life, he defied the Athenian court, proclaiming his innocence. The jury was not amused by Socrates' defense, and as a result, he was convicted and sentenced to death through the drinking of a poison hemlock at the age of 70–71.

In the film Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Socrates is one of the historical figures that Bill & Ted recruit to help them pass their history class to prevent failing and having to send Ted to military school. He was portrayed by the late Tony Steedman.

Appearance in the rap battle (cameo)

Lewis and Clark vs Bill and Ted:

Socrates appeared behind Ted during Bill & Ted's first verse, where he could be seen farting and fanning the air during the line, "I've heard better insults drop from Socrates' anus." Ted also pronounced his name as /SO-crates/ instead of /SAH-kruh-teez/, referencing the way he incorrectly did so in the movie.

Lyrics

[Note: Socrates is in vanilla, while Nietzsche and Voltaire are in regular text. All philosophers rapping together is in italics.]

Verse 1:

I'm coming off the Acropolis to start some pandemonium.

Don't bring limp raps to a pimp slap symposium!

The mad gadfly, philosophy was my invention!

Rolling with the flyest nihilist, and me, their French henchman!

We've got the wisdom and the wit that even I couldn't question!

Dropping Western medicine on these East infections!

It's evident you've never been our type of mental brethren!

We're better thinkers, better speakers, better lovers, better men!

Verse 2:

Oh, I'll give you something you can bow and kowtow to

When I squat down and squeeze out a Tao of Pooh on Lao Tzu!

You need to take control of the life you're given!

They call me Übermensch 'cause I'm so driven!

And I'm a freethinker, so confronting conformists like you? It's my job!

Got a sharp wit like a spit that'll skewer you like a Confu-shish kebab!

(Oh!) You flubbed the mission. I'm beating your submissive ass into submission!

Dishing out more disses than letters and pamphlets and plays I've been publishing!

Now that we've covered the two Yin and Yang twins, I can move on to Jackie Chan!

Sun Tzu, I'll be picking apart your Wu with my method, man!

The seminal general isn't so tough on the mic; all your men must be like, "Yo, what happened?"

You're pitiful lyrically. Lucky for history, you didn't author The Art of Rapping!

Verse 3:

I wouldn't exactly call myself a student of this plebe.

Don't make Nietzsche come over and put a knee up in your chi!

'Cause I'm N-I-E-T-Z-S-C-H-E,

And I'll end any mother fucker like my name in a spelling bee!

Plebe, bitch? I'm toxic like a hemlock sip!

Hang a sandal on the door 'cause you can suck Soc's dick!

Sacré bleu, Socrates! You're making things a little tense!

Come, let's blind these Chinese heinies with some shiny bright enlightenment!

I'll not be taught camaraderie from a frog who rigged the lottery!

You make a mockery of ethics, so keep your fat nose in your coffee!

Let me be frank: don't start beef with the Frank,

Who hangs with B. Franks, giving ladies beef franks!

Scrapped lyrics

I'll check in first, 'cause I'm the best Western.


Like, how did these boring geeks from the Far East get invited?

Well, I hope they can speak their minds better than they can write it!

Oh, I'm delighted by their writing; such charming little thoughts

From such charming simple little men in charming little smocks!

What a fearsome trio! Yes, but what does it all mean?

It means the fate of these ancients is about to be seen!

We got the logical means to philosophically dominate your rhetoric

And get it boiled down to its essentials till it's evident!


And call me Übermensch 'cause I'm so driven!

I'm Voltaire; I'm fucking fabulous, bitch!

Yo!

Motherfucking French, bitch!

I'm Voltaire; motherfucking French, bitch!

That covers the Yin and Yang twins; now it's on to Jackie Chan!

I'll Chang your Wu with my Method, Man!

You're supposed to be the tough one, dude, what happened?

History's lucky that you didn't write The Art of Rapping!

Wise guys from the East are supposed to be the best,

But we've seen more flavor in a Panda Express!

Our philosophy flourishes! Western culture has ascended!

While even your descendants seem a bit disoriented!


Ooh, is this going to be like one of your schoolboy lessons?

Oh, do teach the Prussian what the Greeks consider wrestling!

Why don't you keep your fat French nose in your coffee?

The most impressive thing you ever did was rip off your own lottery!


You're pitiful lyrically. Lucky for history, you didn't write The Art of Rapping!

Trivia

  • Socrates was quoted at the end of Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD saying, "probably the best shit on youtube right now."
  • He is the second character to first appear as a cameo before later returning as a rapper, after George Washington.
    • He is the first, however, to be portrayed by the same actor on both occasions.
    • He is also the first character to initially appear as a cameo, then as a rapper in the same season.
  • He is the eleventh rapper to appear after being mentioned in a previous battle.
  • In August 2014, Nice Peter said on chat that "Confucius vs Socrates was going to happen, but there wasn't that much material to work with."

Gallery

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