Hey, can you put that little, uh, thing back down in there? No, no no, the one b-below it.
(The battle opens with Peter and Lloyd mixing the beat for this battle. Lloyd makes a suggestion about it.)
You’re just a little up in my face right now.
(Peter comments on Lloyd hanging over his shoulder, wanting him to back off and leave himself to the work.)
Oh, I'm sorry. Am I being annoying? 'Cause you said we'd be done at 10, and it's 4 in the morning.
(Here, Lloyd sarcastically apologizes for coming across as annoying. He suggests that it is more annoying that Peter often makes the editing team stay up to the early hours of the morning to work on battles.)
Look, I don't know how to say this, but you know what? Fuck it. Let me just fucking say it…
(Peter loses his patience with Lloyd and feels the need to say what he thinks.)
I’m fucking burnt out, man! It's been six years every day
(Peter mentions that ever since Epic Rap Battles of History began, almost six years before this battle, he has been exhausted by the workload the series provides and the conflicts with his coworkers.)
That I wake up and come to work to look at your hungover face!
(Peter claims that when he comes to work on the battles, Lloyd always looks hungover. This may be because Lloyd has an alcohol problem.)
I need some personal space to get away from your screaming,
(Peter says that he needs some space from Lloyd and his constant complaints with his directing.)
But every time I turn my back, motherfucker, you start scheming
(Although Peter wants to ignore Lloyd and his complaints, he believes he cannot because when he does, Lloyd will start changing things against Peter's will.)
To take over control of some shit I'm already doing just fine!
(Peter says that he doesn't need Lloyd's input to make a good battle.)
We'd have more subs than PewDiePie if you didn't fight me every time!
(PewDiePie is currently the most subscribed person on YouTube, with over 50 million subscribers, while ERB still only had 14 million at the time the battle was released. Peter believes that if Lloyd had stopped arguing with him during production, they would be the most subscribed channel on YouTube.)
I try to take our little baby in a creative direction!
(Peter has a deep respect for his work, treating it preciously and carefully, like a baby. He simply wants to take the battles in a more creative direction, and claims that Lloyd is always hindering him in his attempts to.)
I'm trying to make art, motherfucker; you're trying to find a rhyme for erection!
(Peter says that while he is aiming to make the battles a work of art, Lloyd doesn't take them seriously enough and is instead obsessed with the frivolous aspects of making battles, such as trying to build up to immature punchlines and sexual jokes.)
I'm sorry, man. No, I'm fucking not! Fuck you!
(Peter apologizes and immediately takes it back.)
You're second-class; that's why I let you run ERB2!
(Peter claims that he lets Lloyd run the series' second channel because he is second class. Peter says that he really runs the series, and all Lloyd does is run the Behind the Scenes because he isn't good enough to be in charge of the main series.)
You're so afraid to lose, but losing's all you do,
(Peter comments on Lloyd's apprehension to being defeated, yet over half of the battles that feature a character played by Peter going against a character played by Lloyd end up with the character played by Peter to be voted the winner of the battle.)
And tonight, I'm not quitting the battles, bitch; I’m quitting you!
(In Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD, which was titled "final battle," Peter's last line was, "Fuck the rap battles and you, I quit!", indicating they were about to end the series. They are eventually dissuaded from doing this by KassemG. This time Peter says he is done with Lloyd and his tantrum.)
Quit me then, you pussy! We'll see what happens!
(Lloyd threatens Peter, telling him to quit like he said he would and see where that leaves him.)
I'll sit back and watch you unravel and revel in pure satisfaction!
(Lloyd states that he will gladly watch Peter become nothing if he were to leave him.)
I'm out of compassion for you and your self-righteous bullshit!
(Lloyd explains his annoyance and frustration with Peter and his attitude, claiming that Peter is only working for himself and no one else.)
Erection jokes, dude? Your whole name means dick!
(The word "peter" is a slang term for penis. Lloyd says that Peter's line about Lloyd being obsessed with jokes about erection is invalid, as his entire name seems to be a joke about penises. It is also a way to say Peter is a jerk, as the term "dick" is used to refer to someone who acts rudely. If someone says something "means dick", it also means that it doesn't matter to them, so Lloyd is saying Peter's name doesn't mean anything to people, implying he isn't as known as Lloyd.)
I'm sick of smoothing things out, the same routine!
(While Peter is annoyed at Lloyd getting his hands out of Peter's work, Lloyd is annoyed that Peter couldn't do the work right in the first place.)
ERB2 is right! I'm covering your ass behind the scenes!
("Covering one's ass" means taking over someone's job. Lloyd says that he is the one doing his job while Peter takes all the glory. "Covering something" also means to tell or report on a subject. The ERB2 channel, which is handled by Lloyd as mentioned before, often posts behind the scenes video. It interviews crew members and guests, covering the making of ERB.)
And then I try to tell you things, but you're too stubborn to understand,
(Lloyd says that Pete is too stubborn to understand the advice he gives him. He gives an example in the next line.)
Like, "Dude, that is not a cool way to play Batman!"
(In Batman vs Sherlock Holmes, Peter portrays Batman. Lloyd claims that he told Peter at the time that his Batman portrayal was wrong, but Peter didn't listen. This later resulted in a backlash from the community for the portrayal of Batman, along with a concession from Peter himself over his regrets with how Batman was portrayed.)
You manipulate your friends and then you throw them away!
(Lloyd accuses Peter of using his friends for his own gain then casting them off when he's gotten what he wants.)
I don't know who you shit on worse: myself or Dante!
(Dante, a frequent crew member, played the body acting for Nikola Tesla, but Peter played the voice, and got more recognition for Tesla than Dante. Lloyd says that Peter underappreciates them both.)
But I'm not an entrée at one of your fancy restaurants,
(Peter enjoys eating at fancy restaurants. Lloyd says that Peter can't treat him like an entrée at one of said restaurants.)
So quit eating up my time picking one of your fancy fonts
(Lloyd calls out Peter for the inconsistent fonts for the subtitles and title cards throughout the rap battles that he spends to much time deciding on, eating up Lloyd's time as he would eat an entrée at a restaurant.)
And make a fucking decision! So all these people can leave!
(Lloyd states that Peter is indecisive about his editing decisions and that it's delaying the release of the battles as well as the ERB crew.)
Excuse me for interrupting Rocket League and smoking weed!
(Between the time of the release of Ash Ketchum vs Charles Darwin and Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder, Peter was playing Rocket League, a game that mixed Association Football and car racing, for a large amount of time. A meme in the ERB fanbase temporarily sprouted accusing Peter and his fondness for the game of delaying the intended release of Wonder Woman vs Stevie Wonder. Peter also stated that he used to smoke pot when he was younger. Lloyd accuses him of wasting his time on such frivolous pastimes, and implies that Peter should put more time and effort into making the battles.)
But they got places to be, and now they're looking at me!
(The ERB Crew's annoyance with how long they're spending at the studio waiting for Peter to finish eventually led to them trying to get Lloyd to convince Peter to hurry up.)
Nice Diva is my new name for you, Nice Pete!
(Mike Diva is the name of the actor that played Bruce Lee in Bruce Lee vs Clint Eastwood. Lloyd appears to make a pun on his name and refer it back to Peter, claiming that he is a diva, or somebody that overexaggerates and overreacts to things.)
And doink, nice punchline, bro!
(Peter patronizes Lloyd by sarcastically complimenting the punchline of his previous line.)
Your jokes haven't grown since you told them in a lunch line, bro!
(Pete tells Lloyd that he hasn't matured since grade school.)
You're an eight-year-old boy stuck inside a whatever-year-old man!
(Peter says that Lloyd is still extremely immature despite being almost 40 years old.)
"(Agh!) Look at me, I'm EpicLLOYD! Check me out! I can
(Peter then puts on Lloyd's hat and mocks him, exaggerating his growly voice and "look at me" behavior.)
Rap about my problems instead of solving them!"
(Most of Lloyd's songs are composed of complaints about what's going on in his life and rarely actual ideas to solve those problems.)
If you wanna heal, you gotta deal with your issues 'cause a bottle’s not stopping them!
(Peter tells Lloyd that he can't drink his problems away, he has to face them head-on. It's revealed here that while Peter was mocking Lloyd he was standing on an apple box, poking fun at Lloyd's height.)
Don’t take this battle there, dude. You don't want that at all!
(Lloyd warns Peter not to insult him for drug abuse, for reasons he will explain in the next line.)
Let me guess, right now you’re on two beers and a pill and a half of Adderall!
(Adderall is a drug used for helping people with ADHD. Lloyd is accusing Peter of abusing the drug, combining it with alcohol, and as a result, being a killjoy at work.)
And that makes you obsessive and then you fuck up all the fun!
(When Peter is drugged up, he focuses too much on making a product than he does having fun creating comedic content for the battles, as he gives an example in the next line.)
So why don't you trust the editors and stop changing their shit after they're done?
(Lloyd tells Peter to let the editors do their job instead of changing it once they finish.)
Yo, don't try to paint me as some compulsive little jerk!
(Peter tells Lloyd not to make him seem as if he is obsessed with changing other people's work.)
If you weren't so cheap, we could hire some editors that do good work!
(Peter says that if Lloyd wasn't so reluctant to spend money on the battles, they could hire editors who do not make mistakes that he needs to fix.)
Who do you think just— Oh, that's real funny, Andrew!
(Throughout the battle, Peter and Lloyd have been given the backgrounds of characters whom they have portrayed previously. Peter points out that the editors are being sloppy, as he currently has Martin's background despite having portrayed J. R. R. Tolkien, while Lloyd has Tolkien's background despite having portrayed George R. R. Martin. Peter's current location, the Great Hall, also still has the rendering bug on the candle from the previous battle. However, he is interrupted by the editor Andrew Sherman, who inflates his hand in editing as payback for the previous line. His large hand may also reflect that Peter is touchy and often magnifies his involvement in other people's business.)
Aww, c'mon, now what the fuck did I do?
(Despite Lloyd being on the editors' side earlier in the battle, Sherman jokingly inflates Lloyd's head just as he did to Peter's hand in editing, and Lloyd thinks this isn't fair. This can be interpreted as a visual pun on Lloyd being very egotistical, or "having a big head.")
(This is the tag for the beat, produced by Allrounda Productions, which comes with purchase of a beat online. When the beat is purchased, the buyer is given instrumental layers including a vocal track of the beat producer's name occasionally mentioned, so anyone who uses the beat for free can have it attributed to the beat maker, as a sort of watermark. Unfortunately, someone on the ERB crew accidentally forgot to take this tag out while mixing the audio. This could possibly be a small nod to the fanbase, as many fanmade ERBs have been known to leave the tags in their battles.)
(Lloyd notices that he just heard the tag for the beat and becomes confused.)
Yo, who the fuck left the tag in?
(Peter angrily asks who it was that didn't take out the tag while mixing the instrumental. It's possible this is actually Peter's own mistake, as he was seen mixing the instrumental in the prologue of the battle.)
Nice Peter & EpicLLOYD:
(Peter and Lloyd finally crack and go to attack each other before the music stops and the setting changes to a YouTube video page, the page for the first Nice Peter vs EpicLLOYD to be exact, on Nice Peter's YouTube channel, the original homeplace of ERB.)
(The viewer of the video decides to click the "Like" button on the YouTube page that Peter and Lloyd are fighting on, and Lloyd thanks them.)
(Peter agrees, both being able to show satisfaction for their fans even if they can't both be satisfied with each other.)
Hey, Allrounda, can you put the… yeah, and the little, yeah, uh, nice…
(Lloyd speaks directly to Allrounda Productions to fix up the beat and prepare it for the grand finale of the battle.)
We cool, guys?
(Peter holds out his fist in the air towards the camera as an offering for the editing crew to fist-bump and asks if things are okay between them. Thomas Jefferson, whom Peter portrayed, also did this in his battle.)
The ERB Crew:
Yeah. I guess so.
(Andrew and Javi Sánchez-Blanco, two of the editors, accept Peter's peace offering.)
Okay, I've got the card. Did you dump it?
(The crew get the camera's memory card ready.)
Get your mark. Quiet, please. Here we go!
(The crew prepare for another take and ask for quiet in the studio.)
(The battle continues.)
Nice Peter and EpicLLOYD (simultaneously):
Yo, I guess what I'm saying, man, is that I'm running out of patience, man!
(Peter runs out of patience with Lloyd.)
I'm a patient man, but sometimes you need to be a patient, man!
(While Peter is normally able to control his patience, it's also partially Lloyd's duty to be a patient and let the doctor, a metaphor for Peter, do his work.)
I got the same shit that I was dealing with at the very beginning!
(Peter claims that Lloyd's actions are the same as they were when they first started working on the rap battles.)
I'm trying to get somewhere with it, man, but all your bitching is keeping my wheels spinning!
(Peter says that although he is trying to make progress in his work, Lloyd's arguing is preventing him from doing so.)
I've fought with my wife and gone under the knife,
(Lloyd claims that he has had arguments with his wife, Josie Ahlquist. During filming of the second half of Season 5, Lloyd injured his knee and had to go into hospital to have surgery done on it.)
And I've taken years off of the back of my life!
(Lloyd claims that he has shortened his life with his work in the studio.)
Man, since right in the beginning we been fighting! No one's winning!
(Lloyd also claims that their fights have lasted since the beginning of their work and nobody is achieving anything. This could also be a reference to the question: "Who won?" which is asked at the end of Epic Rap Battles.)
People would kill to do what we do for a living! Your bitching is keeping my wheels spinning!
(Lloyd says that him and Peter take advantage of what they do, and other people would do anything to work in their shoes, evidenced by a plethora of members of the ERB fanbase that create their own fanmade ERB's, while Peter stops him from achieving anything.)
That was weird. Yup.
(Peter and Lloyd realize that they both said the same thing.)
I'm sorry about some of the things that I said.
(Peter apologizes for his actions.)
I'm sorry about the way you played Batman.
(Lloyd, instead of apologizing for his actions, disses Peter's Batman portrayal once again.)
I think I just need a break. Yeah, me too.
(Peter and Lloyd agree that they just need to take a break from the rap battles.)
You wanna write a song? Yeah, dude!
(Peter and Lloyd reconcile and leave to write a song together.)