This is one vid, kid, that you won't ever survive.
(Nice Peter, at this point, had been in every single video of Epic Rap Battles of History prior to this one. The character he plays is usually regarded as the victorious party in the battle against the character Lloyd plays, but Lloyd says that here, his winning streak will be ended. Lloyd is three years older than Peter, so he is calling him a "kid".)
I'll beat you, dislike you, then unsubscribe!
(Lloyd will defeat Peter, and then drop his subscription to Peter's YouTube feeds. To "dislike" a video on YouTube means you don't enjoy it, and the number of likes and subscribers usually determines a YouTuber's popularity.)
You'll be good at rapping someday. I promise, bro,
(Peter admitted in the Behind the Scenes for Darth Vader vs Hitler that he can't freestyle like Lloyd can, and he usually has to write his raps down so that he can make good rhymes. Lloyd taunts him that for now, he won't be a good rapper, and perhaps that he'll possibly get better in the future.)
But for now, just stick to editing that gay-ass Monday Show!
(Peter produced his Monday Show on his alternate account, nicepeterToo, in which he formerly posted vlogs every Monday about his work and life, then answered fan mail and other questions. Before he uploaded them, he usually edited them. Lloyd tells him to stick to that for the moment, as it's all he is good at; he also insults the show.)
I'll slaughter your water color unicorns, eat 'em for breakfast,
(Peter loves watercolor drawings, especially unicorns, which are considered to be his mascot. His fans sent them by the batch, and he posted them in-studio. Lloyd, however, will destroy and eat them.)
Then leak to YouTube, your middle name is Alexis!
(Peter's middle name is, in fact, Alexis. Lloyd believes that Peter's fans don't know his middle name, and thus, Lloyd hopes to embarrass his rival. Peter is ashamed of his middle name, wishing he could change it.)
I can tell you're scared just from the body language I'm reading.
(Lloyd can see that Peter fears him by the way his body moves.)
You should start leaving. Look, your hair line's already retreating!
(Lloyd says Peter has no chance and should leave the battle. When the battle was released, Peter was balding, though he is still young, so Lloyd says that even his hairline is backing away from him. This is also slightly ironic, since Lloyd was eleven years younger than Peter when his own hair began balding.)
Nice Peter? Who's that? No one gives two shits!
(Even though Nice Peter quickly rose to fame on YouTube, Lloyd thinks no one actually knows, or even cares about, who Peter is.)
Everyone knows your page is just the place the rap battles live!
(At the time, Peter was hosting ERB on his Nice Peter channel; thus Lloyd thinks ERB was the only reason people subscribed to him, since the Epic Rap Battles of History videos get a lot more views than a regular video Peter makes.)
Dude, you're really huge on YouTube. You got a great career,
(Lloyd admits he thinks it's impressive for Peter to have so much fame on YouTube, since his channel is currently over two million subscribers. Peter has thousands of fans and could continue making videos for some time.)
But remember: you got famous off of my idea!
(Lloyd had thought of the original idea for the Epic Rap Battles of History, in which he said he and Peter should rap as historical figures for an improv show. Peter decided that instead of making it for a show, they could act it out for a YouTube series, and Lloyd collaborated with Peter for them ever since. However, because the videos are posted on his channel, Peter had earned more fame than Lloyd.)
The battles were your idea to start with. That's no lie,
(Peter gives credit where it's due and admits that Lloyd did think of the original idea for ERB, as he just stated.)
But I'm the one who had the brains to let a midget play the bad guys!
(Peter is claiming that he had the idea for Lloyd, who is much shorter than Peter himself, to play the more evil character on most of the rap battles, with people such as Adolf Hitler, Genghis Khan, and Napoleon Bonaparte. This may also be another reference to the fact that the polls often pick Nice Peter's character as the winner over Lloyd's, with Peter calling Lloyd's characters portrayed the "bad rappers".)
Look at you, or let me just tell you what I see:
(Peter calls attention to Lloyd and tells him how he sees him.)
You're a short little sidekick. I'll call you Mini-Me!
(Peter plays himself up as the star, with Lloyd as the shorter sidekick to his antics. Being short and bald, Lloyd sort of looks like Dr. Evil's dwarf sidekick Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movies who is played by Verne Troyer, a real-life dwarf who is 2' 8".)
I drew a mustache on your face, and you played a mean Hitler.
(Lloyd's most famous role in the season was a dead-ringer Hitler in Darth Vader vs Hitler.)
Take the mustache away, you look more like Bette Midler!
(Jabbing at Lloyd's appearance yet again, Peter says that without the Hitler mustache, Lloyd resembles Bette Midler, an actress with a similar face type.)
You big-toothed, chompy-faced, horse-looking prick!
(Peter attempts much more than rabbit punches here, calling Lloyd ugly.)
You and Bill O'Reilly can both suck my dick!
You're taller than I am, but you look up to me:
(Peter is taller than Lloyd, but despite this, Peter normally has to have some help from Lloyd, who he ironically looks up to.)
The guy who got you your first job in comedy!
(Peter's first job in comedy was in the Improv theater that Lloyd runs, Mission IMPROVable, when he was just arriving to Los Angeles years ago. Had it not been for Lloyd taking Peter on, Peter wouldn't have a gig in comedy.)
I wrote your best verses for you; let you scream on the chorus!
(Peter offers his retort, saying he was the lyricist who made Lloyd famous. Lloyd normally sings the chorus for Peter's songs, and his parts usually have him yelling.)
You've got as much music talent as Chuck fucking Norris!
(Peter says Lloyd can't even carry a tune, nor can his character, Chuck Norris, from Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris, because Norris is only an actor and martial artist, not a musician. Peter also refers to Norris' line which he used to start his final verse, "I am Chuck fucking Norris!")
You, a musician? (Ehh…) That's kinda stretching.
(Lloyd fires back at Peter's claims that he's the better musician. He says he's just stretching the truth, that he's not as talented as he claims to be.)
You wrote eighty-seven songs with the same chord progression!
(87 of Peter's songs follow a repetitive pattern of chords that demonstrates a lack of musical skill.)
You look like a thumb! Where'd you even come from?
(Lloyd is short and bald, similar to a thumb. He also says Lloyd just sort of came out of nowhere because before the battle, people didn't really know who Lloyd was.)
It's like I'm battle rapping a fat version of Gollum!
(Lloyd is also compared to Gollum, the twisted creature from the Lord of the Rings franchise. Gollum is balded, short, and has big feet, so Lloyd would look similar to him, but unlike Gollum, he's pudgy.)
I'm gonna knock you right outta your little Superman socks.
("Superman Socks" is one of Peter's songs. Lloyd says he's going to beat Peter so hard, he'll knock him right out of his socks.)
You were nothing before you rode up on KassemG's jock!
Man, you don't even have to say that kind of shit.
(Peter thinks it was uncalled for Lloyd to say that.)
Fuck the rap battles and you. I quit!
(He decides to quit this battle, and also says he quits ERB in general...until KassemG comes down on his wolf and tells him not to quit, but instead, he should make another season.)