You can't be starting with Lewis and Clark
'Cause we cut a path through MCs like a walk in the park,
(Lewis and Clark explain that they're so good at rapping that beating both of them will be a "walk in the park", which would mean fairly easy. Furthermore, this is a play-on-words about their expeditions.)
Then give 'em back a whole stack of maps and accurate charts,
(Meriwether Lewis was sent by Thomas Jefferson to map out the land purchased from Napoleon Bonaparte. Lewis was revered as an excellent mapmaker and recorder of nature. Once they defeat Bill and Ted, they'll give them a set of precise maps and charts that will help them with something described in the next line.)
Showing exactly where our footprints on their buttocks are marked!
(Similar to the maps used to show the trail Lewis and Clark traveled and left footprints, the above maps will display locations where Lewis and Clark kicked Bill and Ted's asses.)
We're two traveling wordsmiths spitting hotter than a furnace,
(Wordsmiths are people who are very skilled users of linguistics. Lewis and Clark are taunting Bill and Ted's unique vocabulary as well as their journey. This line may also refer to the fact that Clark (who wrote their journals for the expedition) was a terrible speller. To "spit hot" in a rap battle is to have good lines and deliver them with an equally strong execution, and a furnace is an old-fashioned word for an oven, or any device used for heating. This means Lewis and Clark can make clever wordplay that burns their opponents.)
And we'll own you on the mic like the Louisiana Purchase!
(The Louisiana Purchase was bought by Thomas Jefferson from France in 1803, making America the owner of the territory. Lewis and Clark say that they will own, or dominate, the battle over Bill and Ted.)
You're worthless! Your future selves shoulda told you that.
(In the film, Bill and Ted meet their future selves who tell them to trust Rufus on his offer of time travel.)
Now go back in time and give Doctor Who his phone booth back!
We discovered bears and beavers and prairie dogs and weasels,
Rattlesnakes and catfish, owls, larks and eagles,
(On their expedition, Lewis and Clark discovered many different species of animals. This also may be a reference to Bill and Ted's proposal speeches, where they list off multiple animals.)
And plus flora galore! And according to our observations,
(Along with all the animal species discovered in the Purchase by the Lewis and Clark Expedition, they also recorded many plant species. Lewis and Clark also suggest that they observed something else which is mentioned in the next line.)
These two dickweeds right here are severely endangered!
(Lewis and Clark call the two "dickweeds" as if they were a plant they discovered and observed, which they mentioned in the previous line, and that the plant is in danger of going extinct because of the threat Lewis and Clark pose on them. This also references a line in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, where Bill shouts, "You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!", at a soldier he thought had killed Ted, whom the pair manages to outsmart.)
We inspired pioneers and travelers near and far.
(Lewis and Clark brag on their influences towards other people in their field who would go on to explore and settle in the areas they discovered.)
You inspired air guitar and Dude, Where's My Car?.
(In their series, when something positive happened to the two, Bill and Ted would imitate playing guitar with their hands while an electric guitar riff played. The popularity of their series also made movies with fairly unintelligent characters more common for a time, such as the poorly received film Dude, Where's My Car?. Lewis and Clark are saying that such silly actions and poor movies are only their legacy.)
We conquered much greater dangers in our trek through Mother Nature,
(Lewis and Clark journeyed throughout the American Midwest, then a wild and uncivilized area. They are either saying that the perils they faced in accomplishing this were much larger than any that Bill and Ted faced in their movies or that Bill and Ted are not a threat compared to the dangers of their adventure.)
So step off, but tell Bill's stepmom: "Don't be a stranger!"
(Lewis and Clark tell Bill and Ted to "step off", or leave them be. In contrast, they invite Bill's attractive stepmother Missy to stay close by. "Don't be a stranger" is often used as a farewell, requesting a person to communicate more often. Lewis and Clark imply that they're going to flirt with Missy, as many characters in the Bill & Ted movies do.)
Bill's mom is hot, but that joke was most heinous.
(Ted often remarked that Missy was attractive, much to the chagrin of Bill. Despite this, he feels that Lewis and Clark's comments at her expense were too much. He expresses this as "most heinous", as Bill and Ted's unique vocabulary, inspired by typical San Fernando Valley speech, often features less common words with adjectives usually made superlative by use of the word "most".)
I've heard better insults drop from Socrates' anus!
(Ted states that Lewis and Clark's disses were weak overall. He finds the excrement of Greek philosopher Socrates, whom Bill and Ted encountered during their travels, to be better insults than anything Lewis and Clark have said. Ted also fumbles the pronunciation of Socrates' name here as /SO-crates/, with a long 'o', a long 'a', and a silent 'e' , which also happens in the film.)
That's my stepmom, Ted! Let's keep it excellent between us,
(Bill tells his friend not to mention Missy's attractiveness, as they need to focus on defeating Lewis and Clark over petty squabbling between them. The use of "excellent" in this manner continues the trend of their distinct vocabulary.)
And show these Boy Scouts how it goes in San Dimas!
(The Boy Scouts of America often go camping in the outdoors, much like how Lewis and Clark did during their travels. In calling them Boy Scouts, Bill is reducing their achievements to an activity performed by young boys frequently. San Dimas, California is Bill and Ted's hometown, and where much of the story of their movies occurs. The phrase "let's show them how we do it in _____" and its variants is used to express that whoever is saying it is going to defeat their opponents in the way they do it at home, as if it is easy.)
We're quick when we spit like Billy the Kid with his guns,
(To "spit quick" is to rap well. The quickness Bill and Ted say they will achieve is comparable to the speed of notorious Western gunman, Billy the Kid when drawing his weapon, another historical figure the two meet.)
And you'll be verbally kicked in the nut-Sacagawea puns!
(Bill and Ted claim they will assault Lewis and Clark by kicking them in their genitals with the power of their raps. They refer to Lewis and Clark's genitals as their nut sacks, at the same time mentioning their companion during the expedition, Shoshone woman Sacagawea. They acknowledge that "nut-Sacagawea" is a pun immediately after.)
A teen mom carried you and your troops?
(Sacagawea was pregnant during part of Lewis and Clark's expedition, eventually giving birth to a son, Jean Baptiste Charbonneau. Despite her pregnancy, she traveled with the two and their crew, acting as a guide and translator all at the age of sixteen years old. Bill and Ted think that a pair of grown men being led by a young girl who was pregnant seems questionable.)
They should have let the baby lead and put you in the papoose!
(Bill and Ted imply that Lewis and Clark were so inept that Sacagawea's newborn son would have been a better leader, while they ought to have been put under the care of Sacagawea. The papoose, or cradleboard, is a creation of the Native American people that inspired modern infant carriers.)
And if those native dudes knew what white dudes were gonna do,
(The developing United States and the Native Americans would go on to have disputes over land belonging to the Native Americans, eventually resulting in them losing much of their old lands and being sent to live on small reserves of land. At the time of Lewis and Clark's journeys, the Native American people did not know of the events to follow. "Dude" as used in Valley speech is a general replacement for "person", "guy", or "man". )
They woulda stopped you in Dakota! They should totally Sioux!
(Continuing from their previous line, had the Native Americans known they would lose so much land, they would have prevented Lewis and Clark from continuing their travels back in what was eventually North and South Dakota, closer to the start of their journey. Ted says that they should seek retribution for the land loss in a court of law. There is also a play on words between "sue" and "Sioux", the predominant native tribes in the Dakotas pre-expansion.)
Why don't you go back to exploring Napoleon's old swamps?
(Bill tells Lewis and Clark to leave and return to traveling the Louisiana Territory, previously owned by France. Napoleon sold this land to the United States to fund France's approaching war with Britain. The state of Louisiana, named after Louis XIV, the French king under whom the Louisiana Territory had been established, is known for its swamps (bayous). This also references Napoleon being one of the historical figures Bill and Ted took.)
Or you'll discover your Corps most triumphantly stomped!
(Bill and Ted threaten Lewis and Clark that if they do not stop now, they will end up defeated by them, or "stomped", in a successful manner with the bodies left for dead, or as Bill and Ted would say it as they has done in the film, "most triumphantly". The Corps of Discovery was a specially-established unit of the United States Army which formed the nucleus of the Lewis and Clark expedition that took place between May 1804 and September 1806. Bill and Ted again mispronounce a word, "corps", which is pronounced like "core", but in so doing create a double pun between "corps" (a group) and "corpse" (a decomposing body).)
Lewis and Clark:
Did you hear that, Meriwether? I think they mean to brawl!
(Lewis and Clark are unimpressed with Bill and Ted's rapping skills and are confused whether they want to fight them or not.)
I'll take Neo. I'll take the one that no one knows at all!
(In the movies, Bill and Ted are portrayed by Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves, respectively. Keanu Reeves is also famous for portraying "Neo" Anderson in the The Matrix franchise. Reeves also would go on to play other leading roles in numerous action films. Alex Winter, however, doesn't really have any famous characters to his name besides Bill, and is less recognizable as an actor than Reeves. Lewis is saying that, therefore, nobody knows who Alex Winter is.)
From the falls of Black Eagle to the Pacific,
(Black Eagle Falls is the first in a series of five waterfalls which constitute the Missouri River in the state of Montana, United States. During their journey, Lewis and Clark reached the Pacific Ocean.)
We put the 'dis' in dysentery 'cause we spit sick… (CAW!)
(Lewis and Clark's expedition was plagued with conditions such as exhaustion, skin diseases, constipation, malaria, fevers, boils, strained muscles, sore eyes, venereal disease, and dysentery. This line is a play on "dysentery": they say that they put the "dis", or "diss", in dysentery, because they spit "sick" like the illness. A bald eagle also interrupts the verse here, since they may have been trying to say "because we spit sick shit!" as dysentery affects the bowels, but it was censored by the eagle. The actors playing Lewis and Clark, Rhett and Link, try extremely hard not to use profanity in their videos.)
Without Rufus, you'd be useless on the trails we blazed!
(In the film, the character Rufus gives advice to Bill and Ted on how to work the phone booth so they can pass their history test. Without his help, Bill and Ted would have failed their history final. Meanwhile, Lewis and Clark were trailblazers, meaning that they were the first really famous adventuring team. They also blazed trails across the U.S. as they were the first to create the path to the west coast. Basically, Lewis and Clark didn't need much help while Bill and Ted always relied to Rufus to help them out, so they wouldn't have been able to explore the paths Lewis and Clark took if they tried.)
You couldn't navigate your way out of a Circle K!
(Throughout the film, the phone booth is usually at the Circle K, where they first got the booth and where they meet their past selves, Even in Bogus Journey, the Evil Android Bill and Ted land in the Circle K. Lewis and Clark tell them that no matter where they go, Bill and Ted will always be at the Circle K. It's also a dig at them saying that they couldn't find their way out of a circle, something with no paths or corners, while using Circle K as a pun.)
Send over Garth and Wayne because you turkeys aren't worthy.
(Wayne and Garth are characters from around the same period as Bill and Ted, and like them, Wayne and Garth are dim-witted metalheads. Their Saturday Night Live sketch parlayed into the movie Wayne's World, in which Wayne and Garth try to put on a Woodstock-esque rock festival. In the movie, Wayne and Garth have a joke in which they bow down in front of rock celebrities and say, "We're not worthy!" (usually three times). The explorers say that they should face Wayne and Garth instead, as Bill and Ted are proving to be unworthy competition for Lewis and Clark.)
Suffering your raps is a most Bogus Journey!
(Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey is the sequel to Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure. Bogus means deceptive or unpleasant. Lewis and Clark state that Bill and Ted's verse was painful to have to sit through.)
Bill & Ted:
Man, they totally burned us. I feel like such a doofus.
(This dialogue mirrors a couple instances in the films where Bill and Ted feel defeated and accept that they're just idiots. They get stumped trying to come up with any more disses for Lewis and Clark.)
What do we do? I don't know.
(Bill and Ted hit a wall trying to figure out how they can beat their opponents.)
(Rufus comes to give them some advice. This also references how the future follows the words from Bill and Ted, which were, "Be excellent to each other.")
Bill & Ted:
(When Bill and Ted travel back to meet their past selves and see Rufus, they exclaim his name similar to how they do it here.)
He's right, dude! We don't have to take this kind of abuse
(Rufus' words have inspired them to continue rapping in the battle. Ted says that they don't need to take Lewis and Clark's insults and should fight back.)
From some Paul Bunyan dudes in potato sack shoes!
(Paul Bunyan is a giant lumberjack from American folklore. Bill and Ted are comparing Lewis and Clark to him and also reference how Lewis and Clark wore shabby shoes, relating them to potato sacks.)
You rode a river one direction; we travel four dimensions,
(Lewis and Clark traveled the Missouri River to get to the Pacific Ocean while Bill and Ted travel through the Circuits of Time, which is a four-dimensional location. Bill and Ted say that their travels are more difficult and complex than Lewis' and Clark's trail.)
Rescue bodacious babes, and get back for detention!
(Bill and Ted went back in time to rescue the princesses Joanna and Elizabeth, and they made it back to the present to still serve detention. "Bodacious" is a common superlative in Valley speech, and "babe" refers to a woman when speaking in this same dialect.)
I've seen your future, Mr. Lewis, and I don't want to be rude,
(Since Bill and Ted time-travel, they know what is going to happen to Lewis and Clark in the future. The line also references to Ted's politeness toward certain characters in the film.)
But spoiler alert: You totally kill yourself, dude!
(Continuing from the last line, "spoiler alert" is something people say before revealing a point in the plot of a work of fiction. Lewis used a lot of opium to prevent malaria after the expedition, which may have led to depression and was speculated to have caused him to commit suicide, something Bill and Ted know because of their time-traveling. Bill and Ted are saying "spoiler alert" to warn Lewis that they are about to spoil how his life ends.)
So we offer you peace with these resplendent medallions,
(This is a reference to the Peace Medals that Lewis and Clark gave to the Native Americans as an offering from the U.S. government. Bill and Ted make a similar offering, but to Lewis and Clark.)
And we claim this battle for the Wyld Stallyns!
(Bill and Ted formed the rock band Wyld Stallyns. They say that they have won the battle for their band. This references manifest destiny, in which The United States "claimed" the land Lewis and Clark explored despite the existence of Native American tribes already in the area.)
Bill & Ted:
You led a girl with a baby on her back!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "A teen mom carried you and your troops?")