(Risotto is a rice-based side dish that is popular among practitioners of high culinary art. Ramsay opens the battle using one of his catchphrases: "…and that's how you make a perfect _____!")
Right. Mrs. Child, welcome to the grown-ups' table.
(Ramsay makes fun of Child's last name by saying that she is now in the grown-ups' table, which is referred to as where the adults sit separated from the children at a gathering or event. Ramsay claims he was already here before Child, implying he is more experienced compared to her like a grown-up would be to a kid. This is also a reference to MasterChef Junior, where Ramsay judges the culinary works of children.)
I've got exactly two minutes, and you should be grateful
(Ramsay is a television celebrity, so he has other things to do besides battle Child, and she should be glad he took time out of his schedule to do so. Ramsay often asks people in his shows "two minutes?" to start a conversation, often to criticize their work.)
'Cause I'm in the fucking weeds with all these shows to pitch!
(The phrase "in the weeds" is a term used in the restaurant industry to mean that a person is falling behind in their cooking duties. To "pitch" a show means that you are presenting your idea to a TV company in the hopes of getting it approved. Ramsay says rapping against Child puts him behind due to the amount of shows he hosts.)
I keep my ovens preheated and my pilots green-lit!
(The first step in cooking or baking often involves preheating the oven to a particular temperature. "Pilot" has two meanings: the light in a gas oven which must be lit so that the oven can operate, and the initial episode of a television program that is usually sold to a studio to determine its long-term viability. To "green-light" a pilot means that the program will air. Ramsay has had several projects sold to major studios, so he has them green-lit similar to a light on a preheated oven.)
I'm a seasoned skillet; you're a PAM-sprayed pan!
(Ramsay continues his assault by comparing different methods of cookware preparation in the context of the chefs' expertise: experienced chefs will season their skillets to add flavor to a dish, whereas home cooks may use a flavoring spray such as PAM to achieve a similar result. Ramsay boasts that he is the better chef since he uses more refined methods and calls Child simplistic.)
I got Michelin stars; you're like the Michelin Man!
(Ramsay has nine Michelin stars from the Michelin Red Guide, and he was the first Scot to receive three, demonstrating his skill as a chef. He then compares Child to the Michelin Man, the mascot of the French tire manufacturer Michelin, the company that publishes the famous guide, comparing how both are big and flabby, as well as Child's adoration for French cuisine.)
I'm rolling in dough like beef wellington from hollering,
(Ramsay says that he is "rolling in dough", which means to have a large amount of money, just from shouting at people on television shows. He also references beef wellington, one of his signature dishes, which is steak coated with pâtè and wrapped in dough. He compares the dough in beef wellington to the amount of money he makes.)
And I'm shitting on you like I'm whack-flows intolerant!
(To be "lactose intolerant" is to be unable to digest a sugar found in most dairy products, which can happen in adults. One of this condition's side effects is diarrhea. To "shit on someone" is to defame or slander them. The flow of a rap is the rhythm and rhyme, so a "whack flow" is a rap with a terrible rhythm and rhyme. Ramsay makes a pun by saying that he is so intolerant to Child's bad flows that he will "shit" on her, or defame her, in the same way a lactose intolerant individual would excrete due to their intolerance of dairy products.)
(Child sarcastically mocks Ramsay's raps by pretending he did a good job.)
A grumpy little chef who thinks he can bring
(Ramsay is angered easily, so Child thinks he isn't capable of bringing anything good because of his nature.)
Enough stuff to justify getting rough
(Continuing from the previous line, whatever Ramsay says won't be enough to make him equal to Child.)
With the butter-loving queen of the Bourguignon Boeuf!
(Child often put a lot of butter on her meals, including the French dish beef bourguignon.)
I rock hard as concrete on top of these bomb beats!
(Child claims to rap hard like concrete, which is a solid material that is hard to break. She also says her raps are like bombs on the beat, making them great.)
Been chopping the pommes frites since you sucked on your mom's teats!
(Child had been cooking from about 1944 until her death in 2004, when she was 91. Ramsay is around 50 today, but has only been a cook since the mid-1980s, meaning that Child was still cooking when Ramsay was a baby, thus making her the more experienced and advanced chef. "Pommes [de terre] frites", literally "fried potatoes", is the French phrase for "French fries".)
I served America dutifully, and I slice lard beautifully!
(Before becoming a chef, Child participated in World War II by working as a research assistant for William Joseph Donovan, head of the Office of Strategic Services. Lard is animal fat, and since Child uses this in her recipes, she believes she can cut it perfectly.)
I reign supreme from shark repellent to charcuterie!
(Child concocted a shark repellent that was allegedly her first cooking demonstration. Charcuterie is the culinary art of preparing meat such as cold cuts, and is a practice in which Child excelled.)
Go on and cross your arms in that B-boy stance!
(Ramsay often crosses his arms to show displeasure or anger, in a similar pose to the "B-Boy Stance," a stance made popular by New York Street Dancing. Thus, Child accuses Ramsay of just putting on an act to try to look cool.)
When it comes to haute cuisine, there's one F-word: France!
(While Ramsay is known for his adamant foul mouth, Child's television show aired on PBS, a public network which does not allow swearing on any of its shows. Child makes the claim that her style of family-friendly cooking is superior to Ramsay's aggressiveness; she calls him out on his frequent use of the "F-word," while also dissing Ramsay's television show, The F-Word. Child hosted her own television show, The French Chef, where she explored French cuisine. Child states that the only F-word needed for "haute cuisine" is "France," opposed to Ramsay's frequent obscenities.)
Here's a nice amuse-bouche: take a poor abused youth,
(An amuse-bouche is a French term which would mean a bit of food to stimulate the appetite, which symbolizes Child only giving Ramsay a taste of her rapping ability. She also brings up how Ramsay and his family were abused by their father in such a way that sounds like she is explaining a recipe.)
Set a thirty-year timer, voila! Huge douche!
(Continuing from the line above, she says 30 years after the father's abusive ways made Ramsay into the angry, mean, bitter man that he is now. Voilà, or voila, is a French expression that translates into "there it is.")
You're a namby-pamby candy-ass pansy, Gordon Ramsay!
(In no uncertain terms is Child calling her opponent weak, using the poetic concept of assonance to reinforce her claim.)
You couldn't rap your way out of a pastry bag, understand me?
(Child says that Ramsay's rapping skill is too weak and incapable of getting out from a pastry bag, a cone-shaped baking utensil designed specifically to force food out.)
I laugh and create; you berate and destroy,
(Child has fun when she cooks; Ramsay, on the other hand, scolds other people's food and criticizes them to the point of ruining their dish.)
But fear, my dear boy, is less scrumptious than joy!
(Child disapproves of Ramsay's use of fear to get his chefs to make dishes for him, as she thinks it is better to be kind and gentle when preparing meals.)
I'm glad you got that off your giant, flabby chest!
(To get something off your chest means to reveal something you've kept away for a while, so Ramsay sarcastically remarks that he finds it relieving for Child get her insults of him out of the way, all the while dissing Child's weight.)
I'd call you a donkey, but you look more like Shrek!
(Ramsay refers to episodes from his shows where he insults the chefs by calling them a "fucking donkey," which can be synonymous with an ass or an idiot. He also brings up the two protagonists of the Shrek film series: an ogre named Shrek and a donkey named Donkey. Ramsay tells Child that he'd refer to her as a donkey in the same way he would his contestants, but instead will refer to her as Shrek, the ogre, because of her weight and "ugly" appearance.)
When the Iron Man chef busts a rhyme,
(Ramsay is a lover of fitness, and he has attended Ironman Triathlons, a series of triathlons that is considered one of the most difficult sporting events in the world. This is also a reference to the cooking competition show Iron Chef. Ramsay says that he is as fit as he is skilled at cooking, and continues in the next line.)
I'll open up on you like a fine red wine!
(Ramsay says he will unleash or "open up" his full rapping skill on Child. Wine is served after the cork is opened. Ramsay, being of a higher standard of cooking, would serve his food with the finest drinks such as red wine.)
I'm a culinary innovator; you're no creator!
(Culinary arts refers to how well food is prepared, and Ramsay has created original and new forms of cuisine for this field, making him an innovator in what he does. However, since Child copied French recipes, she has not done much new in comparison, despite her earlier statement of creating while Ramsay destroyed.)
Regurgitating French plates like a glorified translator!
(Regurgitating means to throw up or vomit, and to be glorified means to be held at a higher rank than you should be. Ramsay believes that Child is only admired for recreating French plates in a disgusting manner for American audiences rather than creating unique dishes and flavors like him.)
I'm fresh; you're past your expiration date!
(Food is packaged with an expiration date, which normally says when it spoils. If it is prepared right after it is bought, it is considered fresh similar to a recently-made dish. Ramsay says he is still fresh as he continues to be known by modern audiences. Child was only known decades prior to him, making her past due. Ramsay also knocks at Child's death, saying she is quite literally past her expiration date.)
Alright, fuck it! Blue team, drop the bouillabaisse! (Yes, chef!)
(Ramsay decides to go harder on Child and instructs his crew of chefs from Hell's Kitchen, the blue team, to come on. He makes a pun with the word "bouillabaisse", a famous Mediterranean French dish, and "drop the bass", a catchphrase associated with rap music.)
I've seen your little show, and it sure ain't pretty!
(Ramsay claims to have seen Child's show, The French Chef, and calls it unpleasant.)
One part Big Bird, two parts Miss Piggy!
(At 6 foot 2 inches, Child was beyond the average height for a woman. Ramsay makes a comparison between her height and that of Big Bird, who is the tallest character on the show Sesame Street, which aired on PBS just like The French Chef. 'Bird' is also British slang for a woman, which would fit Ramsay's heritage. Ramsay, in this sense, literally calls Child a big woman. Ramsay also makes a reference to her weight, calling her a pig, and her nasal voice to Miss Piggy from the show The Muppets. "One part… two part" is a reference to ratios in recipes where for however much you have of one ingredient, you can have two parts, or twice as much of another.)
You can't test me with your fatty recipes!
(Ramsay says he won't be beaten by Child's greasy and fattening dishes in contrast to his healthier and tastier food.)
Call your book Mastering the Art of Heart Disease!
(Ramsay refers to Child's cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking. He calls her book this title because fat is known to increase the chances of heart disease, which insults her recipes for being fatty.)
I mean, it's rubbish! (Yes, chef!) Look at page 408!
(Ramsay finds Child's cookbook absurd, and tells her to take page 408 as an example.)
Tell me, who the fuck (yes, chef!) wants to learn to cook calf brains?!
(Carrying on from the previous line, on page 408 of Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking, there is a recipe for calf brains. Here, Ramsay says that because calf brains are inherently unappetizing to eat yet Child recommends them, that she has disgusting taste.)
You call these rhymes raw? (No, chef!) They're stale and soft!
(Raw rhymes mean good ones, but Ramsay questions if Child made any of her raps raw. He calls them stale and soft, meaning they're poorly made.)
Now, here, take this jacket… Now, give it back and fuck off!
(Ramsay ends his rapping by giving Child a chef's jacket. After a short pause, he then reclaims the jacket from her, telling her to "fuck off!" In the show Hell's Kitchen, contestants are given jackets to signify their participation in the competition, and when they are eliminated, they must remove their jacket and return it to Gordon Ramsay. He essentially allows her the chance to be in the battle, only to quickly revoke this right from her. He follows this by telling her off with one of his most frequent catchphrases, as expected by the blue team that pause everything they were doing in the kitchen in shock and fear.)
Oh please, your defeat's guaranteed!
(Child is confident she'll beat Ramsay.)
Concede, I've got this in the bag: sous-vide!
(Child tells Ramsay to concede, or retreat, because she has already won the battle. To "have something in the bag" means you're confident that you will be victorious in a competition. Sous-vide is a method of cooking by placing the object in an air-tight plastic bag and cooking it in hot water, so Child makes a pun of her certainty to win this battle with this cooking technique.)
(Ha!) Michelin indeed, you've done well for yourself,
(Child acknowledges Ramsay's previous boast about having Michelin stars.)
But as a person, you couldn't get a star on Yelp!
(Child says that Ramsay's behavior completely negates his achievements of Michelin stars because people will dislike him for his negative and angry personality, causing him to likely get a bad review on the review app Yelp.)
I could freeze a steak with those frosted tips!
(Ramsay has hair gel in his hair that keeps his hair stuck up, or "frosted". Child says that his hair is so frosted she can use it to freeze a steak, comparing his hair to a freezer. This might also be a nod to when Ramsay almost froze to death from falling into an icy-cold lake.)
What's with that bitter taste in every word from your lips?
(Ramsay is famous for his harsh judgement and attitude towards his contesting chefs. Because of this, Child compares his speech, as well as his disses, to food, in which case she believes them to be bitter and distasteful.)
You scream at women, but the fits that you're pitching
(Child finds it rude for Ramsay to scream at female contestants on his shows, setting up her next line by pointing out how Ramsay always gets frustrated easily.)
Make you the pissiest bitch in the kitchen!
(Since Ramsay becomes angered on his shows, Child calls him the most pissed off person in the kitchen, throwing tantrums similar to a bitchy person. "Bitch" is also a derogatory term used to call someone a female dog, thus, Child says that by pitching fits at women, he becomes more of a female than the other contestants.)
I'll pat you on the head, melt you, and stick it to ya!
(A pat of butter is a small mass of butter. Butter can be prepared melted, and it usually comes distributed in sticks. Just like the butter she uses to cook many dishes with, Child will flame and serve Ramsay in this battle.)
Anything's good with enough butter! Booya!
(Child says she can make any dish good by using enough butter. "Booya!" is a slang for "Awesome!" or something similar.)
Oh, I'm so glad you spent this time with me!
(Child is happy to have battled Ramsay, being certain she beat him, and tells him this in the same way she tells her audience that she was happy for them to cook with her.)
Now, eat a dick! Bon appétit!
(Child tells her opponent to "eat a dick," a slang way of telling the opposing person to demean themselves to performing fellatio after their pride has been bruised. This is possibly also a reference to the British food, spotted dick. She then signs off with her signature catchphrase, "Bon appétit," the French equivalent to "enjoy your meal". This could also be a play on words, as the slang term bone refers to a dick, and sounds roughly similar to the french word bon. )
Oh wait, J. P., drop the bouillabaisse! (Yes, chef!)
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Alright, fuck it! Blue team, drop the bouillabaisse! (Yes, chef!)", in which Jean-Philippe Susilovic was originally going to speak the blue team's mantra.)
Ooh! Isn't that an adorable thing?
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Oh, isn't that a wonderful thing?")
A grumpy cruel chef who thinks he can bring
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "A grumpy little chef who thinks he can bring.")
With the original queen of the bourguignon boeuf!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "With the butter-loving queen of the bourguignon boeuf!")
I rock harder than concrete on top of these bomb beats!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "I rock hard as concrete on top of these bomb beats!")
I've been chopping up pommes frites since you sucked on your mom's teats!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Been chopping the pommes frites since you sucked on your mom's teats!")