Mickey Meyer as Dr. Seuss
March 2, 1904
September 24, 1991
Dr. Seuss is the only rap battler who does not actually rap (for he had throat cancer in real life), instead calling in the Cat in the Hat (Nice Peter) and Thing 1 & 2 (EpicLLOYD) to rap for him. He battled William Shakespeare in Epic Rap Battles of History 12, and was played by Mickey Meyer.
Information on Rapper
Theodore Seuss Geisel (March 2, 1904 - September 24, 1991) was an American writer, poet, and cartoonist most widely known for his children's books written under the name Dr. Seuss, Theo LeSieg, and, in one case, Rosetta Stone. He published 46 children's books, which were often characterized by imaginative characters, simplistic rhymes, and a frequent use of trisyllabic meter. His most celebrated books include, Green Eggs and Ham, The Cat in the Hat, One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish, and Horton Hears a Who. Some of his books have been made into movies.
There once was a man, Theodor Seuss Geisel was his name. His books were so wondrous, the fans they all came! He wrote books about boats and books about cats, and these cats were so crazy they often wore hats! The words were made up! Like Grinch and like Nool! In Nool lived Horton, an elephant, so cool! Seuss drew characters that caused havoc for me and for you, characters like Sneeches, plus Thing One and Thing Two! Oh, such worlds he created, making children elated, with the places he’d go, deep, but not complicated. But do you want to know the silliest, sneakiest, most hum-dingerist thing of all? This Dr. Seuss is me! He’s not a character at all! A political cartoonist who had bigger stories to tell, and you know folks, I think, if I do say so myself, I tell and draw them pretty darn, diggily, wiggily, well!
Cat in the Hat
I would not, could not, on a boat,
Read any of the boring-ass plays you wrote.
Even Horton doesn't wanna hear you,
And Cindy Lou Who is afraid to go near you.
You bore people to death.
You leave a classroom looking like the end of Macbeth.
I entertain any child of any age.
You gotta translate what you said on the opposite page.
How you gonna battle with the Cat in the Hat?
Little kids get scared when I step on the mat.
Think your ruffle-neck ass gonna rap to that?
I got a best-selling book about me coming back.
Cat in the Hat
You rap fast, you do, yes you rap fast, its true.
Now let's see how you rap versus Things One and Two!
Things 1 & 2
Oh, no, no, no! We'll smash your globe,
Yo, you may have wrote the script but now we running the show,
You can take your fancy words and send 'em back home to your mama,
Break our foot off in your ass with our feetie pajamas,
Man we'll cook you up and eat you with some ham and green eggs,
We'll break offa your legs, make no mistake, we in a rage,
All does not end well when we bust out our cage,
You gettin' upstaged Bill, yo, you just got played!
- Dr. Seuss's background changes throughout the battle (from hillside, to boat, to classroom, to cemetery).
- Dr. Seuss doesn't rap because of his throat cancer. Instead, he gets his storybook characters to rap for him.