Wake up, Scrooge! I'm about to take a dickens of a dump
(Donald Trump starts his verse by waking Ebenezer Scrooge up from his nap. While this is said to Scrooge to get him to change his ways in the novel, Trump says this here to literally wake Scrooge up. Charles Dickens was the author of A Christmas Carol, in which Scrooge is the main character. Trump's role at the beginning of the battle is to represent Jacob Marley, Scrooge's business partner who returns as a ghost in the book to pay Scrooge a visit. Taking a dump is slang for defecation, and "dickens" is also an archaic slang term used for emphasis, here being used as a qualifier in place of "large".)
On this lonely, homely, little miserable grump!
(Continuing from his previous line, Trump says he will defecate on Scrooge. The rest of the line is Trump calling the old man ugly, grumpy, and miserable, which made him lonely for years.)
I'm like the star on a Christmas tree! You're like the stump!
(On a Christmas tree, the star at the top is often the largest and most visible decoration. By contrast, the stump is the least visible and at the bottom. Trump says he's larger-than-life at the top of the corporate ladder and that Scrooge is just a nobody by comparison.)
I'm not known for my heart, but you're still getting trumped!
(Trump is famous for bluntly (i.e. without compassion) cutting to the point of a discussion, especially on the reality television show, The Apprentice, in which he was formerly both host and judge. In some card games, being trumped is to be beaten, which is an obvious play on Trump's name. Hearts is also one of the four suits in a deck of cards. Card games often have a "trump suit" which is better than the rest of them.)
You remind me of my ex-wife in a bikini 'cause you disgust me.
(This is a reference to Trump's first wife, former model Ivana Zelníčková, whom he later divorced en route to Marla Maples and Melania Knauss. Since Scrooge and Ivana are old and ugly, Trump says Scrooge is as disgusting as Ivana in a bikini.)
Keep your TB from Tiny Timmy away from me; don't even touch me!
(Tuberculosis, or TB, is a highly contagious lung disease that was common in Charles Dickens' era, but was nearly eradicated by the mid-20th century. Tiny Tim, Bob Cratchit's young son, was sick in the novel, although few adaptations told why. It has been reported that Trump has mysophobia, a fear of germs (though he claims this is just a rumor). Because Scrooge may be carrying TB from his contact with Tiny Tim, Trump wishes not to be too close to Scrooge, let alone being touched by him. Also, TB stands for Teddy Bear, something Tiny Tim gave to Scrooge.)
I don't shake hands; I don't make fans! I ruin rappers faster than Scottish lands!
(Trump has an aversion to shaking hands because of all the germs people would spread while doing it (another reference to his speculated mysophobia). He is also highly opinionated and didn't have much of a following outside of his television audience at the time of the battle, in part because his opinions seemed to make little sense in mainstream politics for that year. In 2006, Trump ignited a furor in Scotland when he bought a tract of land and proposed a golf resort there, also threatening to occupy land claimed by small homes in the area. He says he'll bring down Scrooge much faster than he could raze that land.)
Even Jay-Z knows what a pimp I am! I got my name on the front of the business, man!
(Jay-Z is a famous rapper in an ongoing feud with Trump over his stances on several issues, with Jay-Z on the record as commenting on how Trump's mind works. Modern rap often includes references to pimps, which Trump claims to be as he has his name on many buildings, such as Trump Tower, The Trump Organization, and Trump Entertainment Resorts. The line also refers to Kanye West's "Diamonds from Sierra Leone", in which Jay-Z states: "I'm not a businessman/I'm a business, man!")
My raps will haunt you; make you think you're going insane!
(Ghosts are popularized as haunting people to drive them crazy. Since Trump is portrayed as a ghost here, he plans on making his raps do just that to Scrooge.)
You're about to get whooped by three emcees of the ethereal plane!
(In A Christmas Carol, Scrooge is haunted by three ghosts. The ethereal plane is where ghosts reside, and Trump tells Scrooge about this in the same manner Jacob Marley did.)
So when the clock strikes, prepare to enter a world of Christmas pain,
(Jacob Marley tells Scrooge to expect the ghosts when the clocks strike the hour. The quote "enter a world of pain" comes from the movie The Big Lebowski, in which Walter Sobchak (John Goodman) threatens a fellow bowling player at gunpoint after an irregular play. Because the battle is Christmas-themed, Trump warns Scrooge that the ghosts will give him terror in relation to his behavior towards the holiday.)
'Cause I'm out! I got my own f***ing problems; call me 2 Chainz!
(Trump leaves the battle because he has his own problems to deal with. A briefcase is chained on his back in this scene, hence why he calls himself 2 Chainz, a famous rapper. 2 Chainz was also featured in the song "F***in' Problems" by A$AP Rocky. The word was also censored to reference how The Celebrity Apprentice censors swear words. In this battle, since Trump represents Jacob Marley, who was put in chains that were forged from his own greed and indifference toward fellow humans, he carries his case with chains like Marley.)
How dare you disturb me when I'm napping in my chair!
(Trump awoke Scrooge while he was sleeping, as Marley did in the original story. Naturally, Scrooge finds this quite rude.)
You're a crappy rap-spitting apparition! I ain't scared
(Scrooge says that Trump's rapping is bad, and thus, he isn't scared of him.)
Of this random phantom! Haunt all you want; I don't care!
(Trump previously said that Scrooge would be haunted, which Scrooge just shrugs off and doesn't care about.)
I do not believe in ghosts, and I don't believe that hair!
(In the story, Scrooge remarked that he had no belief in ghosts when Jacob Marley spoke to him. Trump is known to have an unusual hairstyle and his hair looks more like a wig. Scrooge says he doesn't believe that Trump has real hair or that he appears as a specter.)
Don't panic, Scrooge, but you're about to crash!
(J. P. Morgan senses that Scrooge is about to fall hard, or crash. Morgan directed the banking coalition that stopped the Panic of 1907, which was when the New York Stock Exchange crashed. He wants to calm Scrooge before he gives his speech.)
I'm J. P. Morgan, the Ghost of Rich Dudes Past,
(Morgan was a very wealthy and successful financier among other things from the 19th century until his death in 1913. In this battle, he represents the Ghost of Christmas Past.)
Who's properly rocking the Monopoly mustache!
(Morgan has a mustache similar to Monopoly's mascot, Rich Uncle Pennybags. In fact, Pennybags owes aspects of himself to Morgan, including the mustache and his attire, as they were based on him.)
Yo, I own the railroad! I run these tracks!
(Morgan says that he is a master of rap in this line. As a "robber baron" industrialist, Morgan held the rights to several railways including the Erie Railroad in the Mid-Atlantic US. He uses a double pun here: rail lines consist of tracks on which railcars run, and in music, a "track" is either the rhythm line of a single instrument (e.g. "voice track") or the completed song (as on a CD). It could also be seen as another Monopoly reference, as in the game one can buy railroads.)
You got dumped on a bench; now you're pissed at the world!
(Scrooge's fiancée, Belle, left him on a bench once she realized money had become more important to him than she was. The experience led Scrooge to become angry toward the rest of humanity, as well as to draw him closer to his greed.)
You should have made like Sebastian and kissed the girl
(Continuing from the previous line, Morgan says Scrooge's relationship should have been more intimate, like the one between Prince Eric and Ariel from the Disney animated adaptation of The Little Mermaid. Sebastian, a crab with a Calypso accent who served as King Triton's retainer, sang "Kiss the Girl" to push the two closer together. Though Morgan has misspoken by saying it was Sebastian who kissed the girl, he wishes that Scrooge would have kissed Belle and drawn closer to her.)
Because your greed is the curse that's gonna tear you apart!
(Morgan says that Scrooge's greed and selfishness are what will be his undoing before death.)
What good is your purse if you're poor in your heart?
(Morgan says Scrooge may be rich in wealth, but his heart isn't rich in compassion, and his money can't buy happiness without the care to others.)
Bah, humbug! Your raps don't unnerve me; they're atrocious!
("Bah, humbug!" is well-known for being Scrooge's catchphrase. Scrooge says that he didn't flinch at Morgan's raps because he thinks they're horrendously bad.)
What frightens me the most is your gross ghost proboscis!
(A proboscis is the nose of a mammal or the tongue-like appendage of an insect when either is long and mobile, such as that of the proboscis monkey. Morgan had rhinophyma, an overgrowth of the nose caused by other conditions. Scrooge basically says Morgan's nose is the scariest thing on him.)
Business and success: that's the life I've selected,
(Scrooge assures himself that choosing money over friendship was the right choice to make for his lifestyle.)
So enough with your pictures from the past! I'm not affected!
(Scrooge shrugs off Morgan talking about how he should've tried to get closer to Belle. Oddly, Morgan did not show Scrooge his past as the ghost he portrays did.)
Well, you're about to be right now!
(In a counter to Scrooge's declaration that he would not be affected by Morgan's appearance and warning, Kanye West enters the battle. He, too, is out to make an impact on Scrooge.)
I'm the ghost of what's right now!
(West is a very successful modern rapper. He's comparing his success to that of Morgan and Trump from earlier in the battle. In this battle, West represents the Ghost of Christmas Present, or "what's right now".)
(Aah!) Just take a lesson from Yeezy!
("Yeezy" is one of West's alternative names. West wants Scrooge to listen to what he has to say. He has also given a series of lectures (or lessons) on design in a number of East Coast universities in late 2013.)
You're missing the point, Ebeneezy!
(Simply put, Scrooge missed the points that Trump and Morgan were trying to tell him. "Ebeneezy" is a modification of "Ebenezer" the same way that "Yeezy" is a modification of West's name, "Kanye".)
There's more to life than your work; take it easy!
(Scrooge was more focused on his work and money than anything else and never relaxed during the winter holidays. Since West is playing the ghost, he's trying to tell Scrooge that he is missing out on the "true" good things in life.)
Even I can make time for Azizy!
(Aziz Ansari is an Indian-American stand-up comedian and actor who made a cameo appearance in the music video for "Otis" by Jay-Z and Kanye West from their collaborated album, Watch the Throne. Aziz often mentions his relationship with West in his stand-up routines. West says that despite his busy schedule, he can find time to be with his friends, like Aziz.)
Best put some friends on your wish list,
(Typically, one would write a "wish list" of things they would want, usually for Christmas. Kanye says that Scrooge should want friends for Christmas since he never made friends with anyone in his story.)
'Cause you don't know the spirit of Christmas!
(West states that Scrooge doesn't have any festive Christmas spirit.)
If you did, then you would, at this moment, (aah!)
(West also says that if Scrooge had compassion, he would be doing a good deed, which is explained in the next line.)
Be sharing your money with some of the homeless!
(West has donated money to charity, unlike Scrooge, who had ignored paying a small amount of his wealth to poor people at the beginning of A Christmas Carol. During the rap, Ignorance and Want appear as "the homeless", as they had in the original story. Scrooge would be more generous if he demonstrated compassion for the less fortunate.)
No! This isn't happening! Oh, this is maddening agony!
(Scrooge can't believe what is happening and is going crazy trying to figure it out.)
Wait! Actually, harkening back to the dead Donald's lecture,
(Scrooge refers back to Trump's line about three emcees coming to rap against him. He realizes that Trump's prophecy is yet to be fulfilled.)
I still am expecting a final specter!
(This lyric explains itself as Scrooge expects the final spirit to appear.)
(The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come is the final spirit of the story who comes to visit Scrooge. He is personified as a figure of death, so he surprises Scrooge by scaring him, as many people would be terrified at the sudden appearance of death.)
(Scrooge is spooked by the ghost's surprising entrance.)
The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come:
You're gonna die
(In the story, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come shows Scrooge his imminent death.)
With no one to love you and no one to cry!
(Everyone had hated Scrooge prior, so in the novel, no one cared about Scrooge's passing.)
Alone by yourself on the bed of your death
(When Scrooge's grave had been shown to him, he learned he died alone.)
With the stench of regret on your last dying breath,
(The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come says that in Scrooge's dying hours, he is going to regret everything in his life he chose to do.)
'Cause you've chosen the path of a selfish man
(Explaining his last line, the ghost tells Scrooge that his greed and selfishness is what will kill him in the end.)
With Tiny Tim's innocent blood on your hands!
(In A Christmas Carol, the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come shows Scrooge that Tiny Tim has died of his illness, even though Scrooge could have paid for his treatment to save him. At the end of the story, however, it is shown that Tiny Tim is still alive after Scrooge has a change of heart.)
The penance you pay for the way you behave
(The way that Scrooge will pay for his selfish behavior is explained.)
Is written as plain as the name on this grave!
(Refers to the moment in A Christmas Carol when the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come shows Scrooge his own grave.)
Are these the shadows of things that will be? Or things that may be, only?
(A famous quote from A Christmas Carol that Scrooge says when he sees his own grave. Scrooge is asking the final ghost if he can or cannot stop the results of his future.)
If I depart from my course, can they change? Say it is thus with what you show me!
(Also based on two quotes from A Christmas Carol, Scrooge asks if he can change the future by changing his ways. Scrooge begs for an answer from the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come after being shown his possible future, but the spirit leaves without giving him one.)
I promise to mend my ways! A friend to all men is what I will become!
(Petrified by the thought of what might be, Scrooge promises to change his behavior. He vows to become everyone's friend and also to be light of heart.)
It's Christmas! I haven't missed my chance to be different! God bless us, every—
(An allusion to Scrooge's change of heart in A Christmas Carol. The line "God bless us, everyone!" was also famously used in this story by both Tiny Tim and Scrooge. However, in the battle, Scrooge is cut short by the announcer's "Who won?" The "won" part of these words completes the previous quote as a pun.)
I'm like a star on a Christmas tree! You're like a stump!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "I'm like the star on a Christmas tree! You're like the stump!" The only difference is substituting "a" for "the" in each statement.)
You're like a picture of my ex-wife in a bikini, 'cause you disgust me!
You're like a picture of my ex-wife, because you disgust me!
(These lyrics are what developed into the lyric, "You remind me of my ex-wife in a bikini 'cause you disgust me.")
So when the clock strikes, prepare to enter your world of Christmas pain.
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "So when the clock strikes, prepare to enter a world of Christmas pain!")
By this random phantom! Haunt all you want; I don't care!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Of this random phantom! Haunt all you want; I don't care!")
J. P. Morgan:
Man, I run the railroad, I own these tracks!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Yo, I own the railroad! I run these tracks!")
You got released on a bench, all pissed at the world!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "You got dumped on a bench; now you're pissed at the world!")
Business and success, that's the path I selected!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "Business and success: that's the life I've selected!")
I promise to change my ways. A friend to all men is what I will become!
(This lyric is what developed into the lyric, "I promise to mend my ways! A friend to all men is what I will become!")