This battle's gonna end like every argument does,
(Like many arguments between man and woman, Eve believes that she, as the woman, will be the one to win.)
With you kissing my ass and begging me for a rub!
(Eve is referencing the classic wife victory over the husband, with the husband (Adam) later apologizing, or "kissing her ass", and "begging for a rub" referring to asking for a handjob.)
I made a map, mother fucker, and I'm reading it, too.
(A common stereotype is that women can't read maps. Eve not only made one, but she is also using it against Adam.)
Gives me specific directions how to fuck with you!
(A common stereotype for men is how they don't bother to ask for directions. Here, Eve does get directions on the right ways to mess with Adam.)
I know that you like to think you're so macho,
(Men tend to view themselves as superior to women, as they're usually stronger and tougher.)
But you smell like ballsacks and nachos!
(Eve is saying that Adam stuffs his face with food all day and doesn't wash his balls.)
I work, while you and your boyfriend Steve
(Women stereotypically do the work around the house while men sit around spending time with their other male friends. The appearance and mentioning of "Steve" is an allusion to "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve," a line used by those who oppose gay marriage. Eve says Adam hangs around Steve so much, he's like his boyfriend.)
Drink and play sports in a fantasy league!
(Eve is poking fun at how Adam wants to play "fantasy sports", a form of "armchair" gambling based on real athletes' performance through raw statistics as opposed to real sports, which involve physical activity, which would use the supposed strength of men over women.)
You're as sharp as a stick that I rub on my lips,
(Eve says Adam is only as sharp as lipstick, which is very blunt, and can easily be mushed. Therefore, he's not the brightest person.)
So go ahead, take a shot. I'm sure that you'll miss!
(Eve is telling Adam to try and beat her in the battle, knowing he will fail.)
Like the laundry, the toilet, the grocery list,
(All of these are things that men are stereotypically bad at: they leave women to do the laundry, they never flush the toilet (or put the seat down), aim and miss for the toilet bowl, and forget to pick up the groceries.)
If you'd stop fucking up, I wouldn't have to get pissed!
(If Adam would do things right for once, Eve wouldn't have to be so angry at him all the time, so she blames all their arguments on him.)
My life was fine 'til you had to come along and wreck it.
(According to Biblical reference, Adam was the first man on Earth and lived in paradise. God created Eve as a companion when he saw how lonely Adam was. Eve was later tempted by the serpent (a representation of evil) to eat the forbidden fruit of knowledge, and convinced Adam to do it as well. They were kicked out of paradise, and they became mortal and tainted with sin. Adam is saying here that he was doing fine until Eve came along and ruined his life.)
Could you please just shut your face for ten seconds?
(A common jab at women, saying that they tend to nag a lot, and talk for long periods of time.)
You cry about everything, but can't decide what you want!
(Women can be very emotional and complain about things without good reason. Normally, they take a long time picking out things that they want, such as shoes and handbags, while the male partner usually sits there bored.)
"I'm hungry, I'm fat, I'm cold, I'm hot!"
(Continuing the above statement, saying that women complain about many things, such as being too hungry, thinking they're too fat, and constantly complaining about the climate, and also pointing out that those thoughts are often contradictory.)
You call it complex, but yo, I'd call you a mess!
(Women often call their life complex because of all of the aforementioned problems they have, but Adam thinks Eve is a train wreck.)
You take two hours to cum, three more to get dressed!
(Adam is stating that Eve takes too long to reach her climax during orgasm, also making a play on homophones; "cum" (the vulgar for an orgasm) sounds like "come" (to go to or enter into a location). This mashup also plays into a stereotype that women are sometimes late for dates or other things. Women are also portrayed as taking a long time to get ready to out in public.)
You got a lotion for this; you got a cream for that.
(Women often have lots of beauty products on hand.)
Got any perfume that smells like "get the fuck off my back"?
(The phrase "get off my back" means "leave me alone", and Adam says Eve might have a perfume that could repel her, thus getting her off his back.)
When things are good, they're great, and it's like I'm dreaming,
(Adam is saying that Eve is peaceful sometimes and he is happy as a result, like being in a dream.)
Until your junk starts bleeding, and you turn to a demon!
(Adam is referring to a period, a stage in puberty for women that lasts into adulthood. Put simply, their vaginas bleed, and 'junk' is a slang term for genitals. Women are known to be kind of moody and bitchy during their periods.)
It ain't Summer, Eve. Don't try to play me like a douche!
(Play on "Summer's Eve", a well-known intimate cleanser for women which contains douches, or products used to clean vaginas. He says he shouldn't be taken as a "douchebag", an extremely stupid or foolish person.)
You wanna bite on my fruit? Well, you can swallow the truth!
(According to Biblical reference, Eve ate the Forbidden Fruit after being coaxed into it by a serpent. In here, "fruit" is referring to to Adam's penis. If Eve wants another go at it, Adam's denying, telling her to accept the facts.)
Don't even bring up swallow!
(Swallowing is a sexual act where a woman swallows sperm. Eve doesn't even want to begin talking about that.)
The first man on Earth ain't a tough act to follow!
(Since Adam was the first man on Earth, his antics aren't hard to replicate, and Eve says all men are just the same.)
One pump chump, and you're hung like a weasel.
(According to Eve, Adam is a bit on the low-stamina side during sex. After one go, he's unable to perform again. She also pokes fun at how he's "hung" (his penis size), saying that it's the size of a weasel's.)
Pfft, ditch the fig leaf; get yourself a pine needle!
(Adam and Eve used fig leaves to cover up their nude bodies, so Eve is calling Adam's penis small, and that instead of a fig leaf, Adam should use a pine needle.)
You want alone time? Have it!
(Men commonly "ask" their wives or girlfriends for some "alone time", a way men can escape their partners momentarily. Eve is mad at Adam, so now she's leaving him on his own.)
In fact, suck your own dick, and shave your own back!
(Blowjobs and back shavings are two things often asked for from women, and since Eve is tired of Adam, she's leaving these things to him now.)
That apple's the best thing I bit so far!
(The "apple" she is referring to is the Forbidden Fruit, and it came with a big punishment (mortality, pain in labor). She is saying that biting something with all those consequences is better than biting Adam's junk. In the Bible, there is no mention of what the fruit is, but an apple has been used in various forms of art and literature throughout history; it's a go-to when nothing else works since apples can grow just about anywhere and are eaten where they grow.)
Now I see how much of a dick you are!
(After eating the Forbidden Fruit, Eve opened her eyes and saw the world for what it is. She does the same here and realizes how much of a jerk Adam is.)
I wasn't listening. Are you still flapping those lips?
(Adam wasn't paying attention to Eve's raps, asking if she is still nagging.)
I was just thinking, "Yo, did I give up a rib for this?"
(Eve was created by one of Adam's ribs and he is now asking himself why he would give up one of his ribs for her.)
Woman, I just don't know what your problem is.
(Adam is frustrated because he has no idea what Eve's issue is.)
All I know is you're acting like a colossal bitch!
(Adam snaps and feels that Eve is incredibly annoying and bitchy.)
[A pause as the battle ends abruptly.]
(After the battle has reached an intense point, Adam apologizes.)
…I'm sorry, too.
(The two apologize to each other, similarly to how couples apologize to each other after they fight.)
(Now that they've cooled down, Adam is thinking of heating things up with Eve.)
Don't even think about it!
(Before Adam gets any further in his plans, Eve shuts him down, as she is still upset.)
Okay, that's fine; we could eat.
(Adam and Eve, after being banished from the Garden of Eden, had to pick out their own food. Apparently, while they were rapping, they were both hungry. Also, since the rap battle was made for Valentine's Day, Adam and Eve might resemble a couple eating on their date.)
Your back is hairy, and your balls smell like Godzilla.
(This lyric is what developed into the lyrics, "But you smell like ballsacks and nachos" and "Suck your own dick and shave your own back!" In this case, the smell of Adam's testicles are compared to Godzilla, implying they smell like a gross swampy monster.)
It's like you evolved from some kind of gorilla!
(This line ironically calls Adam out for evolving from a gorilla (as the species homo sapien is believed to have evolved from the same group of primates that include gorilla gorilla), calling him a beastly creature, despite Adam and Eve being an opposing human origin story.)
You both need each other, but you need some other things too,
(God appears as a sort of "marriage counselor" to bring Adam and Eve back together, while also making sure they realize that they need to fix their own wrongdoings in the marriage.)
'Cause only one whole plus one whole can possibly equal two.
(God uses a mathematical metaphor to show that the only way for Adam and Eve to allow the human race to exist is if they put aside their differences and work together.)
So work on yourself and inspire homie, don't tell her what to do,
(God tells Adam and men in general to fix themselves and inspire their wives to do the same instead of having them force them to change.)
'Cause your little penis can't imagine what her vagina is prepared to do.
(God commends the female sexual organ on its endurance and strength compared to the male sexual organ.)
When she pushes out a tiny little version of your whiny ass,
(After the Garden of Eden story, Eve is implied to have borne Cain, and God may be alluding to this in his verse. The process of human birth has been described as one of the most painful things a person would naturally endure, exemplifying the strength of a woman. God tells Adam that he should respect Eve more considering the lengths she goes to for a family.)
You're gonna feel pretty stupid about the fight you had about the trash!
(God tells Adam that he'll regret the petty arguments he and Eve had (such as one over who takes out the trash every night) after he sees what Eve will go through for him.)