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Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris

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Season 1
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Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
Abe Lincoln vs. Chuck Norris
Battle Information
Release Date December 8, 2010
Number 3
Views 59,000,000+ (as of Apr 22)
Length 2:08
Previous Darth Vader vs Adolf Hitler
Next Sarah Palin vs Lady Gaga
Other Information
Actors Nice Peter
Rappers Nice Peter as Abe LincolnEL as Chuck
Cameos Urban Ninja
Location(s) Hannibal, Missouri
I won the Civil War with my beard, now I'm here to whoop your ass!
— Abe Lincoln

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris is the third installment of the Epic Rap Battles of History series. It features the 16th President of the United States, Abe Lincoln, battling against actor and martial artist, Chuck Norris. It was released December 8, 2010.


Nice Peter as Abe Lincoln

EpicLLOYD as Chuck Norris


Abraham Lincoln:

Four score and 65 years in the past,

I won the Civil War with my beard. Now I'm here to whup your ass!

I've read up on your facts. You cure cancer with your tears?

Well, tell me, Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career?

You're a washed up has been on TV selling Total Gyms.

And you're gonna lose this battle like you lost Return of the Dragon.

I'll rip your chest hairs out, put 'em in my mouth.

I'll squash you like I squashed the South.

I never told a lie and I won't start now.

You're a horse with a limp. I will put you down!

Chuck Norris:

This isn't Gettysburg, punk. I'd suggest retreating.

For I invented rap music when my heart started beating.

Chuck Norris doesn't battle. He just allow you to lose.

My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth.

Abraham Lincoln:

I've got my face on the side of a mountain. You voted for John McCain.

I've got a bucket full of my head, and I'm about to make it rain.

You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my skull.

I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger, but I've never even seen that show.

Chuck Norris:

I am Chuck Fucking Norris!

I've spread more blood and gore than 40 score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch!

I split the Union with a roundhouse kick.

I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick!

I attack sharks when I smell them bleed.

I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me.

My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster.

You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master!



Who Won?

The poll was created at 03:20 on February 19, 2014, and so far 406 people voted.

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