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Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris

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Season 1
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Abe Lincoln VS Chuck Norris Epic Rap Battles of History02:08

Abe Lincoln VS Chuck Norris Epic Rap Battles of History

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
Abe Lincoln vs. Chuck Norris
Battle information
Release date December 8, 2010
Number 3
Views 67,000,000+ (As of March 14)
Length 2:08
Previous Darth Vader vs Hitler
Next Sarah Palin vs Lady Gaga
Other information
Actors Nice Peter
Rappers Nice Peter as Abe LincolnEL as Chuck
Cameos Urban Ninja
Location(s) Hannibal, Missouri

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris is the third installment of Epic Rap Battles of History and the third episode of Season 1. It features the 16th President of the United States, Abe Lincoln, rapping against actor and martial artist, Chuck Norris. It was released on December 8th, 2010.


Nice Peter as Abe Lincoln

EpicLLOYD as Chuck Norris


Abe Lincoln:

Four score and 65 years in the past,

I won the Civil War with my beard! Now I'm here to whup your ass!

I've read up on your facts. You cure cancer with your tears?

Well, tell me, Chuck. How come you never sat down and cried on your career?

You're a washed-up has-been on TV selling Total Gyms,

And you're gonna lose this battle like you lost Return of the Dragon!

I'll rip your chest hairs out, put 'em in my mouth.

I'll squash you like I squashed the South!

I never told a lie, and I won't start now.

You're a horse with a limp; I will put you down!

Chuck Norris:

This isn't Gettysburg, punk. I'd suggest retreating,

For I invented rap music when my heart started beating.

Chuck Norris doesn't battle. He just allows you to lose.

My raps will blow your mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth!

Abe Lincoln:

I've got my face on the side of a mountain. You voted for John McCain!

I've got a bucket full of my head, and I'm about to make it rain!

You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my skull!

I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger, but I've never even seen that show!

Chuck Norris:

I am Chuck fucking Norris!

I've spread more blood and gore than 40 score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch!

I split the Union with a roundhouse kick!

I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick!

I attack sharks when I smell them bleed!

I don't go swimming; water just wants to be around me!

My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster!

You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master!


Who Won?

The poll was created at 03:20 on February 19, 2014, and so far 2089 people voted.



  • This, as well as Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates, is the only rap battle where the announcer does not say "Begin" in the beginning of the rap battle.
    • This is the only battle so far to have the "Begin" screen shown but not have it announced. In Steve Jobs vs Bill Gates, Steve Jobs interrupted the announcer before the screen got to be shown.
  • This battle is the first to feature title cards showing the names in a different font.
  • Hitler vs Vader 2 was released on the same day a year later.


  • This is the first battle with an actual location.
  • Nice Peter has stated in a Monday Show that this battle was almost a battle of smartphones, "iPhone vs Blackberry", with YouTuber iJustine playing an iPhone, while Peter would have dressed up as a giant blackberry to represent Blackberry phones.
  • This battle, John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly, and Darth Vader vs Hitler were all made on a $50 budget.


  • Both rappers' title cards are cut off by the side of the screen in this battle.
  • Chuck Norris' beard can be seen coming off during his second verse.
  • During Chuck Norris's second verse, the phrase "make the speed of light" appeared twice in the subtitles.

Related videos

Epic Rap Battles of History

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